A Transparent Glimpse

It would appear that it has been a crazy week since I’ve gone over a week between blogs. The reality is, it hasn’t been that crazy, only that I’ve spent most of my time in the office and don’t have a lot of stories. I’m constantly reminded of the large administrative task it is to run an organization. It’s not all about playing with kids and feeding the hungry. In fact, it seems that just as much time is spent keeping financial records, writing reports, distributing money, answering e-mails, keeping updated on new laws in Kenya to make sure the ministry is in line with the government, standing in bank lines…

I’m thankful that the Lord has equipped me for this.

I will be married in 67 days, not that I’m counting.

As I’ve been back in Kenya, and Ashlie is half a world away, I constantly think about what married life will be like here. In some ways I feel so ready and in others, I’m scared to death. I think that’s normal. As in every area of my life, I always ask the question, “Do I have what it takes?”

Every day I realize how ill prepared I am for life, and it’s true. I have no idea how I run an organization and lead people. I’m glad that I feel so ill equipped because this reality draws me closer to the Father. Without Him, there is no possible way that I could do what I am now doing. I can’t take any of the glory for myself.

I recently apologized to some friends and coworkers for not handling a situation in the best possible way. Given some foresight and thought, I could have relieved a lot of stress on many people. I later assessed what I could have done differently to change the outcome, I realized that I don’t have many models or examples on how to be a young leader, leading people in different aspects and doing ministry in Africa. I didn’t handle the situation in the best possible way because I didn’t know how. I was so sorry for my lack of leadership in that situation, at the same time; I didn’t beat myself up too much because I didn’t have the experience that would help me know how to handle the situation. For my failures I can humbly seek forgiveness and move forward with a better understanding. For my successes, I give all the glory to the Lord.

I realize that I won’t be the perfect husband, but I will be a darn good one. When I mess up, (which I will), I will seek forgiveness and use that experience so not to repeat the mistake.

One of my new favorite verses comes from the book of 2 Corinthians when Paul says:

“’My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with the distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 12:9-10

As I pray through my anxieties, I feel the constant confirmation of the Father telling me “Yes, you do have what it takes.” I like that, I feel that I do and I know that He will not only be the Lord of my life, but the Lord of my marriage. I can’t wait to be married to the love of my life, the one I have been waiting 30 years for.

So, there you have it, a transparent glimpse into the heart of a young leader.