The year is almost over and I’ve walked through the first 6
months of marriage.
Many of my blog posts, pre-marriage, were very candid as I
opened up some of the personal inner struggles of my mind, being transparent
about many struggles and fears. I asked Ashlie’s permission to write this blog,
now the words I type are about two people, not only one.
As I’ve watched friends get married, it most often seemed
that they all but disappeared during that first year. To the singles looking from
the outside, there is a sense of loss and wonder. I grieved the loss of
friendships as my buddies began to get married. But I didn’t have a clue about what
goes on in the first year of marriage… well, I still don’t, but I know about
the first six months. That’s the point of this blog, I want to tell you about
what I’ve learned in these months.
Living these past years in an African society that is driven
by agriculture, I’ve learned a great deal about farming and gardening; much
more than I ever knew growing up in the desert
of Nevada
Tending to the heart of my wife is much the same. Daily I
take a walk in her heart to make sure there are no dangers seeking to destroy
and harm. When danger approaches, I do everything within my power to protect
her. At times this means comforting and listening, other times it means
standing firm against those who seek to wound her. And most of all, it means
spiritually battling on her behalf, declaring my God given responsibility over
her.
The heart of a woman is very tender and loving and needs
daily care. The result of this care is
much greater than what any garden could produce, the result is her rising up as
the confident, secure and lovely woman she was created to be, thus enticing me
be the warrior man I was created to be. She too becomes even more radiant and
captivating.
Christ’s love for me has a whole new meaning. Though growing
up in a healthy stable family, I never knew what it meant to love
unconditionally. There is nothing Ashlie could do that would make me stop
loving her, nothing at all. I would lay my life down for her without a second thought;
I would give anything for her. As she sleeps, I love looking at her most
perfect, peaceful, beautiful face and I have two thoughts, first, how could God
create something so magnificent and beautiful and then give her to me? I still
don’t understand the love He shows me through Ashlie. Second, I begin to
realize how the Father sees me, as I sleep He looks upon me with admiration of
His work, He looks upon me with love.
I can’t help but gaze upon my wife with love.
Christ’s love for me is faithful, forgiving, full of grace
and unconditional. In the same way, I am to love my wife unconditionally.
“Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for
her.” - Ephesians 5:25
Ashlie loves me more than I can understand, despite my
occasional moments of insensitivity; she forgives me. Through her grace, she
expresses God’s love for me.
One of the hardest things about marriage for me is
expressing and opening up my heart and emotions. I spent so many years putting
them aside, not admitting many of them to myself. Now when I hold something in, if effects both
of us. Many times Ashlie calls me out on my lack of transparency and encourages
me to embrace and walk through my thoughts and emotions. It amazes me how much
better I feel after I express my thoughts to her.
I also have a hard time remembering to make decisions with
her and not for her. Sometimes I will do something or make a big decision and
totally forget to talk to her about it. Its not that I don’t want to include
her or seek her counsel, I just forget. I’ve concluded that it’s the density of
the male mind, and after enough kicks in my butt, I will figure it out.
Marriage isn’t at all easy, it takes a lot of work to do it
right, but it is so worth it. Good communication is vital. Without it, I don’t
think any relationship, especially a marriage could stand. There are times when
Ashlie and I get frustrated with each other and it would be much easier to
ignore the issue, roll over and go to sleep, but talking it out is rewarding.
Every time we communicate through an issue, we find that our hearts further
become intertwined and we become deeper in love with each other.
Spending our first six months living in community has been
challenging. I was against the idea of spending my first year of marriage
living in community, but meeting Ashlie and the timing of our coming together,
the circumstances presented a different path.
we had to live in community, host groups and lead a discipleship program.
All eyes are on the newly married couple.
Knowing that we would be entering into a potentially risky
setting, before we got married, we set up some expectations and boundaries.
Though living on the same compound, we needed our own little house. In the
month leading up to our wedding, I prepared the renovated garage into a living
place for my bride and myself. Bedroom, bathroom and a small living area with a
couch and a kitchenette where we can cook our own meals when we didn't feel
like eating with everyone else. This space has been a lifesaver when, at the
end of a long day, we just need to talk or zone out and watch a movie.
Preparing a home for Ashlie was also an expression of my love to her, one that
she sees day after day, noticing the special touches I put on the home, with
her in mind. It gave me a lot of pride as the man to provide a “safe” place for
her.
I love the idea of always living in community, but I see the
necessity of always having a get-away for us.
We decided from week one of our marriage that we would
implement a weekly date night. Whether this means getting dressed up and going
out for the evening or staying in, cooking a fun meal and curling up on the
couch together to watch a movie, date night has become our favorite evening of
the week. Taking that time out weekly
has allowed us to enjoy our time with community and gives us a special time to
look forward to where we have a whole evening planned to focus on each other’s
needs and heart, making sure our lives are united and not drifting apart. Five
months of living in community, 20 date nights later, this has become a vital part
of our marriage.
Going further, we also decided that as long as we lived in
community, we would take a weekend away each month. Thankfully that’s pretty
cheap in Kenya
Each of these things is an investment in something that will
last far longer than any ministry or business and the reward will be much
greater than any amount of money or material items.
We’ve been married for six months, but I can’t remember my
life without Ashlie. We marvel at our love, compatibility and the level of
comfort we have with each other. It feels like we have been married for years. It has introduced calmness into my life, caused
me to learn to include another person in all my decision making, and marriage
has all around made me a better person. I’m learning how to cherish and
treasure my wife and I’m learning to lead my marriage with strength, integrity,
truth and honor. I’m learning what it means to be a man.
If I’ve learned this much in only six months, I can’t wait
to see what six years of marriage looks like.
More than anything, I’m thankful that the Lord brought
Ashlie into my life. I can’t imagine living a single day without my best friend
by my side.
My heart if overjoyed!
1 comments:
I was so blessed in reading your post this morning, Daniel. This is encouraging to my heart as I continue to wait upon the Lord! Thanks for sharing & I cannot wait to meet Ashlie in person in a couple months! :)
Post a Comment