Living The Adventure

Reproving Scoffers

2012-01-25T03:44:00.000-08:00

This morning I spent some time reflecting on people I’veworked with during my time in Kenyawho, well, made my life challenging. Looking back, I’m so thankful for each oneof these individuals because through their poor character, the Lord taught memany lessons.

All of these people had two things in common: First, theyall were under my leadership and second, none of them liked reproof.

I remember when I was employed before coming to Kenya. Monthly I would go to my boss and ask what hethought I could do better as an employee. I wanted to be the best at whatever job I wasdoing. And the only way to do that was through hard work and by learning fromthose in authority.

My dad taught his sons to welcome reproof, knowing that itwas instruction for the sake of maturing our character.

Our natural reaction, when corrected, is to become defensive;but why? Do we think that we are “perfect?” Do we not desire to become moremature?

Some of the most successful people I know display the characteristicof humility, to the extent that those under their leadership are comfortablecoming to them and expressing their personal opinions about the person’scharacter.

There are some people I’ve had the privilege of leading who receivecorrection well and make changes quickly. They will see the fruits of theircharacter trait.

Others, who I’ve struggled to lead, were not receptive atall. Whenever they were given ways they could improve their job performance,they would become defensive and sometimes, angry. None of these people are currentlyworking with me, most of them are doing little with their lives, and most ofthem greatly dislike me.

Proverbs 9:8-9 says “Donot reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, Reprove a wise man and he will loveyou. Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser…”

In the same way we fight the correction of those inauthority, we most often fight the correction of our Father. We urgently needto ask ourselves, "why". I guess it’s because we aren’t wise.

Walking through life if so joyful. Learning these Biblicaltruths keep things fresh and exciting for me. Learning to be a leader is hard,a lot harder than I ever thought. Reproving scoffers; that’s something I won’t do anymore.

I Thought I was Going to Die

2012-01-23T12:30:00.000-08:00

I held my breath this afternoon as I watched the live videofeed of the reading of the confirmation from the ICC. I knew that if theydismissed the case, then this years election would be even worse. Dismissingthis case would send a clear message to Kenyathat you can murder, rape and chase people from their homes based on theirtribe and political affiliation, and get away with it.

Today was a big day in Kenyaas four of the six accused were confirmed that they will face trial at the InternationalCriminal Courts for their roll in the post election violence in Kenyafour years ago.

All the news hype today brought back my memory of the daythe violence broke out while my friend Faith and I were on a bus headed fromKitale to Nairobi. As I readthrough my blog from that day, chills ran up my spine.

As time has passed, one of the scariest days of my lifefaded into a dream, but how real it truly was.

On the brink of heading to the States for a longer time thanbefore, I am reminded of how easy it is to become disconnected from what’s goingon somewhere on the other side of the world. Let this be a fresh reminder.

Here is the story of the day I thought I was going to die...

http://www.dlipparelli.blogspot.com/2007/12/election-riots-in-kenya.html

- Daniel

Attitudes...

2012-01-21T13:38:00.000-08:00

I remember a shirt my brother and some of his friends had.The shirt said “I Hate People.” I wish I had that shirt this week. I know, itsnot very "Christian missionary" like, but I really do hate people.Not all of them, just most.

One of the things I always talk about, during the last monthof the internship program in Kenya,is making sure to keep a positive attitude. I’ve learned that when we move awayfrom a place and people we love, it seems easier to get mad at everyone and tohave the resulting "bad attitude". That’s the immature way we seem todeal with loss and disappointment, rather than grieving it in a healthy way.

I can’t even count how many times this past week I said“that’s something about KenyaI’m NOT going to miss.” Bad attitude, I know.

But honestly, I’m not going to miss the all night churchservices blasting the most awful screaming preaching every Friday night. AndI’m not at all going to miss everyone starring at me the entire time I’m intown.

“Good attitude, good attitude.” I keep telling myself.

Packing up from eight years of life is so strange. I’mexcited about what the future holds, but at the same time, I’m sad aboutleaving a place that has been home to me.

We won’t be back to Kenyauntil next year and I’m already looking forward to it.

I stood in a bank line for an hour last week and actuallyenjoyed it. I can’t calculate how many hours I’ve spent in Kenya bank lines andcursed every minute of it. But this time I enjoyed it because it was my last. Ireflected on all the things that the Lord had taught me while having peoplestepping on my feet or trying to cut in line. Those lessons which producedgrowth in my character are so meaningful to me.

I’ve had a lot of those moments these past weeks thinking;“this will be the last time I do this.”

I’m trying to grieve this transition in a healthy way. WhenI’m sad, I let myself be sad and I think about how much I’m going to misshugging on all my kids. When I’m angry, I dwell in it for a moment longer,knowing that I’m going to miss people.

This season has been great, and I can’t wait for the nextone.

One of my biggest fears these past few months has been nothaving purpose this year. I have found so much purpose in the day to day stuffI’ve been doing in Kenya.Moving around the States, staying with family and friends, life is going tolook different. “Lord, what will my purpose be?” As a man, I need purpose.

This past week the Lord has been giving me more clarity onmy purpose this year. I’m excited and scared at the same time.

We are counting down the days, my emotions are all over theplace, but I have so much peace.

- Daniel

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What’s Next?

2012-01-02T01:27:00.000-08:00

I remember 8 years ago, almost to the day, I boarded myfirst flight to Kenya,none the wiser that I would spend almost 1/3 of my life here.

I love it when God writes my story for me…

A few weeks ago I booked one way flights back to the U.S.for me and for Ashlie. So strange not knowing the exact date we will return to Kenya.Lord willing, sometime in 2013.

I often ask myself why I came to Kenyain the first place. I most certainly didn’t have a passion for the poor Africanchildren. My motives, at first, were selfish. I was looking for an adventureand a place where I could figure out my life. Looking back at the experiencesI’ve walked through, adventure and life direction were accomplished. The morerecent years drew me into a less self centered motive and brought me to anunderstanding that my purpose is the follow the Lord wherever He leads, not tomake a name for myself, not to obtain earthly treasures, but to walk inobedience.

As we begin to pack up our few things, I’ve been spendingmore and more time reflecting. I’m humbled by the grace of my Father who hascarried me through this season, protected me, provided for all my needs. Andthe greatest thing is the character development and growth He caused in me.

So What’s Next?

Ashlie and I head to the States early February. We plan tospend a few months with each of our families, both in Californiaand Nevada. We will also fit insome traveling and speaking, one of my favorite parts about being in North America.

Since even before we were married, we began to pray aboutstarting a branch of TI in another third world country with a focus on adiscipleship program for young adults from Western cultures. In October, weplan to spend a few months exploring these options and visiting ministries whoare doing the same kind of things we would like to do.

Through my time in Kenya,the Lord has impressed upon my heart that discipleship is one of the mostimportant responsibilities we have as followers of Christ, and at the sametime, its one of the weakest areas of today’s church.

It’s Scary…

I have a lot of anxiety about being in Americafor more than a few months. Kenyahas become home and where I feel like I have purpose, being anywhere but herefeels scary. The Lord is reminding me of my perceived “need” to be in control. I’mconvinced that control and having faith in the Lord can’t occupy the same spacein a man’s soul. So the more I try to be in control, the more my heartstruggles with trusting the Father’s plan.

I don’t like change because I’m not in control. But at the sametime, I crave it as it causes me to grasp onto the only firm thing in my life,my relationship with God.

I still have a lot of anxiety…

Some people have asked who will be overseeing TransformedInternational since I won’t be in Kenyafull time. Thanks to technology, it will be easy for me to continue to overseethe general operations of TI from anywhere in the world. Just because I won’tbe sitting at my desk in Kenyadoesn’t mean that my heart and leadership for the work in Kenyawill change one bit. I am passionate about the people and projects that TI isserving.

Taking that extra look…

I find myself gazing off in the distance, taking that extralook at my surroundings, trying to capture a mental picture of the faces ofeach child, of the beautiful country around us, enjoying a long ride on my motorcycle.After 8 years, I know these coming weeks will fly by and the next time I cometo Kenya,things won’t look quite the same.

This season is over, leading into a brand new one. Moreadventures, more tears, falling more in love with my Creator and enjoying itall with my best friend who happens to be my most wonderful wife.

I’m excited to walk out what’s next.

- Daniel

The best 6 months of my life

2011-11-14T01:39:00.001-08:00

Last January I posted a blog about my pursuit of the greatestadventure of my life. And it was only months away from the beginning of myheart's deep desire being fulfilled.

The year is almost over and I’ve walked through the first 6months of marriage.

Many of my blog posts, pre-marriage, were very candid as Iopened up some of the personal inner struggles of my mind, being transparentabout many struggles and fears. I asked Ashlie’s permission to write this blog,now the words I type are about two people, not only one.

As I’ve watched friends get married, it most often seemedthat they all but disappeared during that first year. To the singles looking fromthe outside, there is a sense of loss and wonder. I grieved the loss offriendships as my buddies began to get married. But I didn’t have a clue about whatgoes on in the first year of marriage… well, I still don’t, but I know aboutthe first six months. That’s the point of this blog, I want to tell you aboutwhat I’ve learned in these months.

Living these past years in an African society that is drivenby agriculture, I’ve learned a great deal about farming and gardening; muchmore than I ever knew growing up in the desert of Nevada. Gardening takes so muchtime and patience. There is a great deal of preparation to get the soil readyfor planting, then the seeds go in. Water, wait, water, wait, water, wait… andfinally a small green stem pops out of the ground. Then comes even morewatering and waiting. And in the growing process, there are many dangers tothat plant. The weeds seem to grow much faster and threaten to suffocate thebaby stem, birds peck the seeds out of the ground before they have time togerminate, once the plant is grown, bugs and pests seem to envelop and attemptto destroy. The gardener invests all that he has into his garden and he will doanything necessary to protect it so that its produce is great.

Tending to the heart of my wife is much the same. Daily Itake a walk in her heart to make sure there are no dangers seeking to destroyand harm. When danger approaches, I do everything within my power to protecther. At times this means comforting and listening, other times it meansstanding firm against those who seek to wound her. And most of all, it meansspiritually battling on her behalf, declaring my God given responsibility overher.

The heart of a woman is very tender and loving and needsdaily care. The result of this care ismuch greater than what any garden could produce, the result is her rising up asthe confident, secure and lovely woman she was created to be, thus enticing mebe the warrior man I was created to be. She too becomes even more radiant andcaptivating.

Christ’s love for me has a whole new meaning. Though growingup in a healthy stable family, I never knew what it meant to loveunconditionally. There is nothing Ashlie could do that would make me stoploving her, nothing at all. I would lay my life down for her without a second thought;I would give anything for her. As she sleeps, I love looking at her mostperfect, peaceful, beautiful face and I have two thoughts, first, how could Godcreate something so magnificent and beautiful and then give her to me? I stilldon’t understand the love He shows me through Ashlie. Second, I begin torealize how the Father sees me, as I sleep He looks upon me with admiration ofHis work, He looks upon me with love.

I can’t help but gaze upon my wife with love.

Christ’s love for me is faithful, forgiving, full of graceand unconditional. In the same way, I am to love my wife unconditionally.

“Husbands,love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up forher.” - Ephesians 5:25

Ashlie loves me more than I can understand, despite myoccasional moments of insensitivity; she forgives me. Through her grace, sheexpresses God’s love for me.

One of the hardest things about marriage for me isexpressing and opening up my heart and emotions. I spent so many years puttingthem aside, not admitting many of them to myself. Now when I hold something in, if effects bothof us. Many times Ashlie calls me out on my lack of transparency and encouragesme to embrace and walk through my thoughts and emotions. It amazes me how muchbetter I feel after I express my thoughts to her.

I also have a hard time remembering to make decisions withher and not for her. Sometimes I will do something or make a big decision andtotally forget to talk to her about it. Its not that I don’t want to includeher or seek her counsel, I just forget. I’ve concluded that it’s the density ofthe male mind, and after enough kicks in my butt, I will figure it out.

Marriage isn’t at all easy, it takes a lot of work to do itright, but it is so worth it. Good communication is vital. Without it, I don’tthink any relationship, especially a marriage could stand. There are times whenAshlie and I get frustrated with each other and it would be much easier toignore the issue, roll over and go to sleep, but talking it out is rewarding.Every time we communicate through an issue, we find that our hearts furtherbecome intertwined and we become deeper in love with each other.

Spending our first six months living in community has beenchallenging. I was against the idea of spending my first year of marriageliving in community, but meeting Ashlie and the timing of our coming together,the circumstances presented a different path. we had to live in community, host groups and lead a discipleship program.All eyes are on the newly married couple.

Knowing that we would be entering into a potentially riskysetting, before we got married, we set up some expectations and boundaries.Though living on the same compound, we needed our own little house. In themonth leading up to our wedding, I prepared the renovated garage into a livingplace for my bride and myself. Bedroom, bathroom and a small living area with acouch and a kitchenette where we can cook our own meals when we didn't feellike eating with everyone else. This space has been a lifesaver when, at theend of a long day, we just need to talk or zone out and watch a movie.Preparing a home for Ashlie was also an expression of my love to her, one thatshe sees day after day, noticing the special touches I put on the home, withher in mind. It gave me a lot of pride as the man to provide a “safe” place forher.

I love the idea of always living in community, but I see thenecessity of always having a get-away for us.

We decided from week one of our marriage that we wouldimplement a weekly date night. Whether this means getting dressed up and goingout for the evening or staying in, cooking a fun meal and curling up on thecouch together to watch a movie, date night has become our favorite evening ofthe week. Taking that time out weeklyhas allowed us to enjoy our time with community and gives us a special time tolook forward to where we have a whole evening planned to focus on each other’sneeds and heart, making sure our lives are united and not drifting apart. Fivemonths of living in community, 20 date nights later, this has become a vital partof our marriage.

Going further, we also decided that as long as we lived incommunity, we would take a weekend away each month. Thankfully that’s prettycheap in Kenya.We have been able to explore some new things together and I’ve been able totake Ashlie to see some of my favorite spots. I’ve found that it gives us timeto totally relax and talk about our desires, fears and dreams.

Each of these things is an investment in something that willlast far longer than any ministry or business and the reward will be muchgreater than any amount of money or material items.

We’ve been married for six months, but I can’t remember mylife without Ashlie. We marvel at our love, compatibility and the level ofcomfort we have with each other. It feels like we have been married for years. It has introduced calmness into my life, causedme to learn to include another person in all my decision making, and marriagehas all around made me a better person. I’m learning how to cherish andtreasure my wife and I’m learning to lead my marriage with strength, integrity,truth and honor. I’m learning what it means to be a man.

If I’ve learned this much in only six months, I can’t waitto see what six years of marriage looks like.

More than anything, I’m thankful that the Lord broughtAshlie into my life. I can’t imagine living a single day without my best friendby my side.

My heart if overjoyed!

Overdue update

2011-09-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

Being newly married and busier with TI stuff than I thought Iwould be, it has been hard to keep up on blogs. Not to say that nothing isgoing on because there is a lot going on. But by time the work day ends and 5:00 rolls around the last thing I want to dois sit down at my computer and write a blog. Especially when I can see thegazebo from window and know that there isn’t anything better than sitting outsidewith a cup of coffee while cuddling with my wife. Ya, wife cuddling overtakesblogging every time.

We have been to Nairobimore times in the last month than all of last year combined… and we are gettingready to go again. We have been going to either pick people up, drop them off,or work on my work permit. (Work permit approved, collected and passportstamped during the last trip… thank you Lord!) The 7 hour bus or shuttle ridegets old after a while. Thankfully the roads have improved drastically. And tomake Nairobi even better, Ashlieand I have also discovered a few favorite places. The balcony at the Coco Loungethat overlooks a busy road, Savanna’s with its leather couches and amazing icedmochas, and our most recent find, the matatu that goes from town to the frontsteps of the West Gate Mall for 35 cents each. Saves on the $6 taxi each wayand is almost as fast.

Tomorrow we head to Nairobiagain to pick up this year’s group of interns who will be with us for threemonths. There is a lot of excitement and anxiety as this will be Ashlie’s firsttime to lead the program and my first time to lead with a wife.

This year we will have three girls and two guys in theinternship program along with Ray Smith and Adam Pollock who are spending thefall with us in Kenya.We will be mentoring these young adults as we challenge them to re constructtheir foundational beliefs on Christianity, to dig into a deeper and intimaterelationship with our Father while learning what it means to serve, give andcare for the poor. This program is one of my favorite things that we dothroughout the year. It seems that every fall, as we walk with a new group ofinterns, the Lord too challenges my relationship with Him. This too, might bethe last internship program in Kenya,at least for a few years as I have no idea where Ashlie and I will be this timenext year. Scary and at the same time, exciting.

I have to brag about my wife a little bit, not that I feelobligated because she is my wife, but because she is truly amazing. Over thepast months she has become a master chef. Every few days she tries outsomething new that she has never cooked before, and mind you, she is cooking inan oven that is from the 70s or 80s and that doesn’t hold a constant temperature.The most recent baked goods were biscuits and brownies made totally fromscratch. I never much enjoyed baked goods before, but Ashlie is forcing me toget back into shape because I can’t stop eating all the amazing things she iscooking.

I have many blog ideas I want to put into words, I hope tofind time in the coming weeks to do so.

Until then, I encourage you to check out all the updates onthe TI web page. It will give you a good idea about what has been going onthese past months. http://blog.transformedinternational.org/

Oppression...

2011-07-02T10:53:00.000-07:00

“Then I looked again at all the acts of oppression which were being done under the sun. And behold I saw the tears of the oppressed and that they had no one to comfort them; and on the side of their oppressors was power, but they had no one to comfort them.” ECC 4:1

Over the past few days the issue of oppression has come up time and time again. It seems to be the root of much of the problems facing the common Kenyan.

The father beats the mother, the mother beats the older child, the older child beats the younger child and the younger child beats the dog. The only way to survive in a world of oppression is to oppress others. The people take so much joy in seeing the downfall of others, because for that one moment, they forget their own sorrow. They forget that they don’t know how to stand up for their own rights. The cycle of oppression has lead to weak, cowardly people.

I remember during my first visit to Kenya sitting in my hut and looking out the door to see groups of people lining the fence, laughing. I quickly ran out to see what was causing everyone to be so happy. I was shocked when I saw a grown man chasing a woman with a stick, landing a hard blow on her back when he got close enough. I again looked at the people watching, no one was angry, they were laughing. It didn’t make any sense.

My conscience was stirred and along with my brother and another friend, we quickly ran to the guy who had cornered the woman, his wife, in their small hut. When we entered the one room mud shack, he was landing blow after blow on her whimpering body. Without hesitation, we grabbed him and pulled him out of his house. By this time, news had traveled around and the village people were coming out to see a few white guys getting in the middle of a seemingly normal domestic spat. The community didn’t see anything wrong with a man beating his wife to a bloody mess, and not only did they not see anything wrong with it, they gloried in the oppression of the abused woman.

We had one of the neighbors translate for us as I told the guy that if he ever beat his wife again, we would take legal action and make sure he never hurt her.

After I cooled down, I talked to a few of the village elders, who sat back and watched the whole scene but never got involved, I was searching for some understanding of why such an event was acceptable. They were confused by my questions and assured me that there was no problem with a man beating his wife.

This was my first encounter with the cycle of oppression, the first of countless more to come.

The oppression has lead to the people not standing up for their rights and not taking a stance for the rights of others. That’s why the police can get away with demanding a bribe at every road block. That’s why the country is stuck in the mire of poverty. That’s why parents don’t hug their children. That’s why people bow to every whim of those who appear to be in authority, and that’s why mob justice rules.

Yesterday, my dad and a few other guys were walking in Kitale town when they saw a mob of people gathered around something. Seeing my dad with a camera around his neck, a few of the people in the mob yelled for him to come over and take a picture. As he approached the group, the circle opened up to reveal a naked man, huddling on the ground getting a forced bath; public humiliation. Mark, one of our Kenyan staff, who was with them, told my dad that this happens all the time. If someone “stinks” they rip their clothes off and bathe them, right there in the middle of town. These are people who are oppressed themselves and because of that, they find joy in the oppression of another person.

The picture my dad took disturbed me…

“For oppression makes a wise man mad, And a bribe corrupts the heart.” ECC 7:7

Last night we sat around as a group, both Americans and Kenyans, and talked about how deeply bothered we were by this scene. The question came up, as Christians, what should our response be in a situation like this. We didn’t come to a conclusion.

At times, I become discouraged by the oppression, which no one seems to care enough to do anything. I wonder too, what am I doing here, am I making any difference at all.

The only hope I continue to have is the hope that we can change the cultural values, or lack thereof, in the children we are working with. If we can raise up a generation of Kenyans who don’t succumb to the oppressive ideals and learn to stand up for their rights and stand against the corruption that riddles this country, then there is hope.

That’s looking at the broad pictures, what about the isolated situation of injustice, what is our stand on it? And when we come across a naked man who was stripped and humiliated in public, what will our stance be?

The Wedding...

2011-05-31T11:37:00.001-07:00

Wedding - how to create a free slideshow

Self Examination

2011-04-28T12:37:00.000-07:00

The Greek Philosopher Plato said; “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

As I’ve been passing through this season of engagement, and not yet married, I’ve taken much time for self examination. Thus far in my life I’ve done a lot of things that I’m proud of… and some I’m not. Yet all those experiences have defined who I am today. I’m thankful for these essential experiences.

I’ve tried to live my life with no regrets, though there are some things I would do over if I had the chance, like getting my University degree in five years rather than four. (I rushed to get through school only to finish and have no idea what I wanted to do with my life.) Being less critical of people. I was quick to point fingers but forgot to look at myself.

Yet, I can’t help but ask, “have I done enough, is there more I could have done, is there more I should be doing?” Self examination…

Dr. Anthony Campolo tells about a sociological study in which fifty people over the age of ninety-five were asked one question: “If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?” It was an open-ended question, and a multiplicity of answers constantly reemerged and dominated the results of the study. These three answers were:

If I had it to do over again, I would reflect more.
If I had it to do over again, I would risk more.
If I had it to do over again, I would do more things that would live on after I am dead. *

The wisdom in these statements is life shifting, at least for me. We encounter many forks in the road and have to make a choice, hoping the path we take is the better one. But, many of our decisions, it seems, are made so blindly, with little or no information. Mostly, we just follow what seems to be the majority, in the processes, seeking the favor of man.

“For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not bea bond-servant of Christ.” Gal. 1:10

There is much humility in examining ourselves. Because when we look deep enough, we find subtle, and not so subtle, flaws and have to consider; am I willing to change. The first step to change, admitting the flaw.

Dr. Campolo’s findings make me wonder what my life would look like if I spent more time reflecting, took more risks and focused my life on doing things that would live on after I’m no longer in this world.

As I continue to look at my life, pulling out my flaws, I too want to reach the end of my life not having many things, if any, that I would do differently.

The biggest gift we have ever been given is the ability to live life, this life. We only have one lifetime to live, lets make the most of it!

* J.C. Maxwell (Developing the Leader Within You)

Nice & Soft

2011-04-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

I filled up my little basket with all the things I needed from the local grocery store and read the last item on my list, “good TP.”

This past week I decided that I wanted to venture from the normal toilet paper and see if I could find some made in Kenya that was better, preferably softer. I figured that since I’m soon leaving the single life, I needed to splurge on simple things, such as a better quality TP.

As I searched the different choices my eyes were drawn to a four-pack that read “Nice & Soft… Premium white tissue.”

“Perfect,” I thought. It couldn’t get much better than Nice & Soft. Last item checked off my list and I was off.

A few days later I eagerly opened my four-pack of Nice & Soft, expecting to be delighted with my find. But what I found was quite the opposite. Rather than a roll of fluffy white TP, I was holding a roll of white sand paper. I could tear a page from a book and blow my nose on that and it would be better than my Nice & Soft premium white two-ply tissue.

“Two-ply”, more like two pieces of sand paper stuck together.

Needless to say, I felt ripped off and deceived by the manufacturer.

I think that sometimes, as Christians, we falsely advertise ourselves as being one person but when one “opens the package” and looks inside, he finds something totally different.

In Matthew 7, Jesus says:

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven; but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles? And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.”

Yesterday we had a meeting with all of our high school kids, supported by TI. We do this throughout the year, giving them a chance to vent their frustration and for us to help guide them into making the right decisions in life. One of the girls told us that she was a part of the Christian club at her school but the teacher who led that club was so harsh and mean. She said that she has a difficult time trusting Christian leadership because of the roughness of this one teacher. The teacher looked nice and soft on the outside, but really, she was as abrasive as sandpaper.

I never want to portray one thing in my own life and be something different. Even though I have my rough spots, I hope that they are seen on my wrapping rather then only when one gets to know me. I don’t want to be a Nice & Soft Christian.

The search for decent TP continues…

Loving our Enemies

2011-04-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest things about doing full time ministry is dealing with Christians. Honestly, some Christians I’ve met, who are in full time ministry, have been the meanest and most hurtful people ever. No wonder the world looks at the “church” and wants nothing to do with it. I can’t blame them. There are times when I’m ashamed to be associated with “Christians.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m ashamed of Christ or to live a life representing my Father’s love, but rather, to be grouped in with people who claim to live a life for Christ yet don’t display any evidence of this based on the way they behave.

A bold statement, I know, but I think we need more boldness among believers. That’s how we can weed out the Christian posers who claim one thing and live out another.

I can feel some readers bristling and becoming defensive already.

Let me give some personal examples.

I worked for a Christian who would cuss me out every time I didn’t meet his expectation in my work performance. I didn’t stay long at that job.

In the midst of conflict, a pastor angrily let out a stream of swear words as he told me that I didn’t know God’s will for my life and I wasn’t welcomed in “his” church anymore.

Because I was standing up for truth in a situation, a Christian community leader, in the U.S., decided to pass on a rumor that I was having sex with many woman. This rumor caused fallout with “friends” who decided that they would believe this rumor rather than confront or defend me.

While in Kenya, I’ve seen Christian leader after Christian leader, “pastors” in fact, lie, steal and cheat time and time again. When I asked a Kenyan pastor, after the post election violence, why he didn’t stand up against the violence but used his pulpit as a platform for hate messages, he said, “We are tribesmen before we are Christians.”

A few years ago, a few Christians threatened to have me arrested, taken to court and deported because I wouldn’t allow them to dip their hands into the ministry’s purse.

Another pastor started a rumor that I am characterized by surrounding myself with lots of woman and I’m a loose guy.

Four years ago, a Christian ministry leader had left some metal pipes (valued at $15) in my compound. I asked him monthly, for 6 months, to come and get them. He said he would. Since he lived one street over, I didn’t think it would be a hassle. After 6 months, I figured he really didn’t care about them so I gave them away. He came over, a few weeks, later and found that they were gone. He proceeded to yell at me and tell me that I was good for nothing and that my parents must be so ashamed of me. After he had no more he could yell about, I handed him $15, and asked him to leave my compound.

These are all stories of not only Christians, but Christian leaders, the “called” ones who supposedly the Lord has lead to be leaders among the body of Christ.

Scary, I know.

Through my 11 years of being in full time ministry, I have learned, mostly through mistakes, how we are supposed to respond in these situations, especially in times of persecution.

Jesus says in Luke 6:27-28 “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

In the Greek, the word “bless” is eulogeo which means “to speak well of”.

I have to admit, speaking well of those I don’t like is harder than it seems, in fact, most times it seems impossible. “You just made up a story that I’m sleeping around with many different woman and I’m supposed to speak well of you, and then pray for you?” Yeah, right…

My natural tendency is to defend myself, to prove myself right and justified, to get in your face and show you that you’re wrong. But isn’t this response just as wicked and ungodly as the accusers?

I’ve learned, that in most cases, when someone “curses” me, speaks against me, starts rumors, spreads lies, that it is in fact not about me, but about them. It is about something that they are going through that has nothing to do with me. I just crossed their path at the wrong time and got caught in their tornado of fury.

In 2006, for the first time, I began to implement Biblical truths into dealing with conflict and found that the biggest change was not the behavior of the offender, but in my heart. My heart began to soften and bitterness was replaced with love. When I pray for those who cause me harm, when I speak well of (bless) them, I begin to love them. And then, I start to see that their issue with me is rooted much deeper in personal struggles in their own life, struggles that have nothing to do with me.

I see too, that the root of my control issues and frustration is not because of “stupid” people, but because of my own thinking. Other people are not the ones to change, but it is me to look deep within and examine my self, my own sin and struggles, my lack of love.

I like Paul’s words in Romans when he says; "But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” 12:20-21

I was able to practice this verse two years ago when I was threatened to be taken to court and deported. Some lofty allegations were thrown my way and rather than defending myself, my response was “If I’ve truly committed an offense and broke the law, then I am ready to face the consequences.” I went on to speak well of my accuser and to give them resources beyond what they were asking. Because of my calm response, because I didn’t defend myself or become angry, because I “gave them drink,” they had no course of action and were left confused. The conflict dissipated quickly and in the end, everything I had hoped for, I received.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

It is so difficult for us as Christians to behave like Christians, to implement Biblical principles into our every day lives. But it is so necessary that we do. We are serving in a lost and dying world and we tend to waste time fighting amongst ourselves. The world will only see the love of Christ when they see Christians loving each other.

"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:35

I used to feel that I had to defend myself against all gossip. But recently my dad brought this verse to my attention, shedding a new perspective on all the persecution that comes my way because of the stand I take for righteousness.

"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:10

There is a time for righteous anger and a time to defend ourselves and certain situation, but more than anything, love must supersede all these things.

Everyday when I get up, I have to make the choice, am I going to allow bitterness to take root in my heart, am I going to curse those who curse me, am I going to be a “hurtful” and “hateful” Christian, or am I going to bless those who curse me, pray for them and allow love to surpass all other things?

Our battle is not amongst each other, there is an evil spiritual enemy who is pleased with how we are devouring our own. Let us learn to love each other and give the enemy something he really needs to fear. Let us choose today to live and walk out our Christianity differently. Let us be bold as we stand for truth and righteousness

Conversations from the past few weeks…

2011-03-28T02:03:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with some of my children enjoying the sunny Kenyan day when my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello,” I said

“Who is this,” came the reply in Swahili?

“Who are you,” I responded in English.

“Who are you,” the Kenyan man barked back, again in Swahili?

“You need to speak English please,” I asked, playing ignorant.

*click* he hung on me.

Five minutes later he called back and our pointless banter began where we left off.

“Hello,” I said.

“Who is this,” came the reply in Swahili?

“Who are you,” I responded in English?

“Who are you,” again in Swahili?

“Sir, you are the one calling my phone. It would seem that before you dial a number you should know who you are calling.”

“Who are you,” he asked this time in perfect English?

“Again, you are the one calling me and need to identify yourself first,” I said.

“You have my package,” he said rudely.

“How can I have your package if you don’t even know who you are? How did you get my number,” I asked?

“I found it on my table,” he said.

“So you are telling me that you, who won’t identify yourself, randomly found my number on your table, decided to call that number and then tell me, who you don’t know, that I have your package? That doesn’t make any sense to me.”

*click*

The next day I got a text message from the same guy. The message read: “Sir, my name is ----- and I was told by ---- that you had a package for me. Can we arrange a meeting so I can collect the package?”

As soon as I got the text, I knew exactly who he was and what he was talking about. In fact, I did have a package for him.

I think after our pointless phone conversation the day before, he realized that his approach was not achieving the desired outcome. He came up with a new approach and it worked. The next day he had his package.

Last week I was having some problems with the internet.

Amazingly, considering I live in Africa, we have semi high speed wireless internet at our base, though it’s not always dependable. Most common reasons it doesn’t work: the phone line got stolen, the power it out or they are doing “upgrades” which seems to happen several times a week. This last week, I went in to complain that it wasn’t working.

“My internet hasn’t been working well for about a week,” I tell the Telcom Rep.

“Really, that’s strange?”

“So…. Is there a problem somewhere,” I ask?

“No, what is not working?” Telcom Rep asks. I go on to explain the consistent problem.

“That’s really strange.” the rep says, again.

“So, you are telling me that there is no problem with the system?” I ask again.

“No, our system is working well. Maybe you need to bring your wireless router in for us to update.” The Rep tells me.

“Why would I need to do that?” I ask.

“Because last week we upgraded our system and the new system is not compatible with the software in your current router.”

“So you are saying that my internet isn’t working well because the software in my router needs to be updated,” I asked?

“That’s exactly the problem.”

“So, why didn’t you say that at first,” I asked annoyed. The rep looked at me like she suddenly forgot English and had no idea what I was saying.

I went home and got my router and brought it back to the Telcom office. They assured me that it would be upgraded in an hour.

When I went back in an hour I had no problem identifying which one was mine as they decided to write the account name on the side in blue marker…looks classy.

I brought it home and hooked it up. It seemed to be receiving the internet but there was one problem, the wireless didn’t work. I spent two hours trying to figure out the problem. Finally I called the office and talked to the guy who updated the system.

“The wireless isn’t working in my router,” I said.

“That’s because I didn’t activate it,” he responded

“Well, um, why didn’t you activate it,” I asked?

“Because no one told me that you used it.”

“Why didn’t you ask me when I was in your office multiple times today?”

“It’s your fault because you should have told me,” he said.

“What’s the point of a wireless router if the wireless doesn’t work?” He didn’t have a response to that.

These kinds of conversations seem to riddle my days in Africa as I learn more and more how to be a better communicator. I thought you might be humored by them…

"Good Morning, God"

2011-03-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

This week's morning run

From the time I was nine years old, I was very involved in sports. Though some wouldn’t say it’s much of a sport, I would welcome a debate that gymnastic is one of the most grueling sports ever. In fact, we used to take pride that it was the most dangerous non-contact sport. I don’t say that to detour parents from putting their kids in gymnastics, but I say it because I hate it when people say “that’s a girl’s’ sport.”

Right before I stopped training at 16 years old, I was in the gym six days a week for five to six hours a day. Then I traded in my unrealistic desire to be in the Olympics for a much needed social life. A week after I stopped training I was coaching. I continued to coach for seven more years; 14 years in that gym, training myself, then training others.

When I trained, I loved the feeling of falling into bed because my body was so worn out, every muscle hurt. Day after day I continued to go back to the gym and train my body in order to do dangerous tricks; the goal, to hopefully win a prize.

Being out of the gym, my body longed to be trained, my muscles to be challenged, and then worn out.

About a year and a half ago the Lord began to work on my heart in the area of discipline. I was slacking off and my mind, body and spirit knew it. The Lord challenged me to gain self-discipline physically, spiritually and morally. I began to see the effects, of nearing 30, was having on my body, my time with the Lord was waning and I was allowing immoral thoughts to dwell in my mind much too long. It was hard for me to admit that I was no longer disciplined, but that I was growing comfortable and quite honestly, lazy.

Paul says in 1 Cor 9:27…

“I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”

A year and a half ago I took these three areas of my life seriously and began to discipline my body. I began pursuing the Lord, not out of obligation, but because I desired it. I began running three days a week and I began a journey of moral purity. The results, greater love for my Father, increased self confidence, energy and health and greater success in overcoming the lusts that so easily entrapped me.

A year and a half later, I’m still disciplining my body, still pressing on.

Almost as much as my relationship with my Father, I enjoy my morning runs on the African dirt with the fresh morning air filling my lungs. I start out before the sun is up, only passing a few people on the road. The best part of my run is when I’m nearing the end and the sun begins to creep over the hills. My strength is renews and I remember why I got out of bed so darn early to do something that I really don’t like that much. I’m reminded of the feeling I have when I’ve run that race and finished with my head held high.

As that sun crests, it’s as if the Lord is giving me a special gift and saying “Good morning son.” All the stressful thoughts of the day to come melts away and I’m reminded of my Father’s love for me. I answer back…

“Good morning God.”

Also from this week, I love African sunrises!

The daily walk I call “my life,” is not very easy. It’s hard to do the right thing, hard to keep focused on the Lord’s will. In the past weeks, Paul’s words have been encouraging me so much. I love the truth of disciplining my body so that I’m not disqualified.

I think back to my days training as a gymnast, having that goal in mind. I learned self discipline during that time of my life and though I’m not training now in a sport, I’m training in life, training so that I can run the race and gain the prize.

A Transparent Glimpse

2011-03-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

It would appear that it has been a crazy week since I’ve gone over a week between blogs. The reality is, it hasn’t been that crazy, only that I’ve spent most of my time in the office and don’t have a lot of stories. I’m constantly reminded of the large administrative task it is to run an organization. It’s not all about playing with kids and feeding the hungry. In fact, it seems that just as much time is spent keeping financial records, writing reports, distributing money, answering e-mails, keeping updated on new laws in Kenya to make sure the ministry is in line with the government, standing in bank lines…

I’m thankful that the Lord has equipped me for this.

I will be married in 67 days, not that I’m counting.

As I’ve been back in Kenya, and Ashlie is half a world away, I constantly think about what married life will be like here. In some ways I feel so ready and in others, I’m scared to death. I think that’s normal. As in every area of my life, I always ask the question, “Do I have what it takes?”

Every day I realize how ill prepared I am for life, and it’s true. I have no idea how I run an organization and lead people. I’m glad that I feel so ill equipped because this reality draws me closer to the Father. Without Him, there is no possible way that I could do what I am now doing. I can’t take any of the glory for myself.

I recently apologized to some friends and coworkers for not handling a situation in the best possible way. Given some foresight and thought, I could have relieved a lot of stress on many people. I later assessed what I could have done differently to change the outcome, I realized that I don’t have many models or examples on how to be a young leader, leading people in different aspects and doing ministry in Africa. I didn’t handle the situation in the best possible way because I didn’t know how. I was so sorry for my lack of leadership in that situation, at the same time; I didn’t beat myself up too much because I didn’t have the experience that would help me know how to handle the situation. For my failures I can humbly seek forgiveness and move forward with a better understanding. For my successes, I give all the glory to the Lord.

I realize that I won’t be the perfect husband, but I will be a darn good one. When I mess up, (which I will), I will seek forgiveness and use that experience so not to repeat the mistake.

One of my new favorite verses comes from the book of 2 Corinthians when Paul says:

“’My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with the distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 12:9-10

As I pray through my anxieties, I feel the constant confirmation of the Father telling me “Yes, you do have what it takes.” I like that, I feel that I do and I know that He will not only be the Lord of my life, but the Lord of my marriage. I can’t wait to be married to the love of my life, the one I have been waiting 30 years for.

So, there you have it, a transparent glimpse into the heart of a young leader.

This week in "only in Africa" pictures

2011-03-06T01:18:00.000-08:00

There are things that I see, daily, that remind me that I'm in Africa. Yes, sometimes I do forget. I wish I had my camera all the time because the grown man in woman's flowered and heart pants in the bank line a few days ago would have made for a great picture. I love this place!

Moving day!

Just is case the Tuke Tuke runs out of gas, he can just hop on his bike.

Thoughts on my Day of Rest

2011-02-27T18:54:00.001-08:00

Sunday afternoon, I’ve taken a much needed day to rest, which I normally do on Sundays. It’s the dry season in Kenya but the temperature in Kitale seems just perfect. Even with a lack of rain, from my view from the gazebo, the compound is still so green. In my daily rush to get work done; I seem to overlook the simple beauty of the Lord’s creation that constantly surrounds me. Today I’ve taken a good look and say “wow God!” He created all of this for my enjoyment. His love is so great.

Being my first week back in Kenya, I spent most of it being overwhelmed by all the tasks that I need to complete in the next weeks and months. Wondering too, how the Lord is going to work everything out, changes within TI, nagging conflict, the constant needs surrounding me every time I leave my house and walk the African streets… A weeks worth of stress built up to today.

I spent a portion of my day praying through the many matters on my heart. I opened my Bible to Philippians and was greatly inspired by the words of Paul, realizing that all of my anxiety was based on all of me, my own worries, my own weaknesses, my limited ability to do things on my own, and no things that really matter.

“But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of t he surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord… Not that have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do; forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lied ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:7,8,12-14.

After reading this, I realize that none of it really matters, not in the whole scope of life or in regard to knowing Christ Jesus. In fact, all these things are a loss. They are a loss because they are not the goal and not even a means to the goal, the goal being the pursuit of Christ Jesus.

Knowing that I truly submit to the Lord’s will and believing that He has all things in the palm of His hand and then there is nothing more for me to do than to pursue Him.

Running a ministry is hard, leading people is even harder and living life is darn near impossible. I don’t feel like I do any of these as well as I could or should, but I know that as long as I keep my eyes fixed on the goal, then all these things are possible, especially since I’m not in control. That’s a relieving truth…

I’m ending my day of rest fully refreshed and renewed and excited to be nothing more than a servant this week; a servant to the Lord humbly administrating the tasks that He has placed before me.

A Cold Heart

2011-02-24T11:29:00.000-08:00

A week and a few days ago I was sitting on the beach in LA with Ashlie enjoying a Starbucks coffee while watching the waves come in. As I gazed out at the vast sea with my arm around Ashlie, I couldn’t think of a care in the world.

Today I walked the streets of Eldoret, Kenya, and was once again reminded that life’s really not that great for everyone.

I was standing in front of a supermarket in the middle of town watching people pass by when I saw a child, about six years old, dirt covered with a glue bottle to his nose; a street boy. It was clear that he was high as he stumbled across the road having near misses with cars and motorcycles. No doubt that this child lays his small head on the cold cement in front of a closed shop each night.

My heart sank and I wanted to cry as I watched him. Though I’ve seen this time and time again, today it hit me hard. I can’t understand how such things can happen.

The child went from person to person begging for a few coins. Each person either didn’t take notice or pushed him away. Rejected by this parents and family, this poor child faces rejection again and again.

I was sad too that in recent years, such a scene wouldn’t even draw my attention, my heart has grown cold and callous. But being away from Africa for a few months, my perspective seems to be fresh.

This is my 8^th year in Kenya, that’s almost twice as long as I spent getting a university degree, and after such a period of time, things that used to shock me have become all too normal. My deep prayer is that my heart is broken anew each day and that I never grow cold to the shocking sights that plague our world today.

Back in Kenya!

2011-02-21T10:31:00.000-08:00

As I took the public transport from Nairobi to Kitale on Saturday morning, I remembered why I love being here so much. No, it wasn’t because I was the only white guy in a over crowded van for seven hours with a bunch of guys who forgot their Right Guard that morning and it defiantly wasn’t because of the drive that seemed more like a roller coaster ride because of the potholed covered roads. It was more of the fact of the unknown that each day holds, the adventures I encounter each day. As I got closer to Kitale, my heart beat faster and I kept thinking “I’m home.”

It’s so strange when a place a half world away from where I grew up seems more home. I guess it could be, in part, that I’m entering my 8^th year in Kenya. That’s over a quarter of my life.

Today was my first full day back in Kitale. Thanks to jet lag, I was wide awake at 4:30am. After some texting on my phone and reading, it was light enough to go running.

I have to admit that I slacked off on my running while in America. So today was a bit rough, but I finished my normal route half walking, half limping. Clearly I’m out of shape.

As normal, the Monday work day started out with a staff meeting following by me spending the rest of the day either at the phone company or on the phone with them trying to get 1. Our phone line reconnected because some thieves stole the line again and 2. To get our internet reconnected. I started out my morning by calling the phone company and nobody answered. I called several times before reaching town. When I got there I asked them why they weren’t answering their office phone. Jane, who always fields my frequent complaints, picked up the receiver for her office phone and put it up to her ear. “No wonder you couldn’t get through,” she said, “there is no dial tone.”

I had little hope of actually getting my phone line fixed when the phone company can’t even keep their own lines working.

By 3:00pm the phone line was reconnected but after many conversations with the manager at 4:45 this afternoon, I’m still left with no internet.

I have to remind myself that this is Africa.

It’s great to be home…

P.S. by the time I am posting this blog, the intent did come on and life is good… well, as good as slow unreliable internet can be.

Thoughts as I Travel

2011-02-01T15:56:00.000-08:00

Two nights ago I had the great privilege of speaking at Providence Church in West Chester, PA.

I spoke there two years ago; the church was a lot younger back then. But yesterday I was blown away by the sense of organic community, even with several hundred people. I don’t know that I’ve felt so loved by such a large body of believers before. Here I was, one of the speakers, and yet people were coming over to pray for me. I was touched. In the days leading up to this event, I had several meetings and ample time to fellowship with people who I’ve gotten to know over the past few year on their trips to Kenya, people I now call my friends. The extended body of believers is so beautiful.

Something happened in my heart these past few days. I came to Pennsylvania to minister to people but found that I was greatly ministered to. The Lord used several people, directly and indirectly, to encourage me. Not that I was discouraged, but now I find a new sense of revived passion and love for what I get to do and a renewed strength in my constant battle to love the Lord my God with all my heart.

As I spoke, I was reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness as I told a story of Lina, one of our HIV orphans. She almost died the day I found her in the village over two years ago. Now she runs around like a normal healthy child, no sign of sickness in her body. How amazing is our Father, not only that He would rescue such a child, but that he would allow me to be a part of His master plan. Also, I was taken aback that the Lord would entrust me with the task of communicating a message and His Word to a group of people. This thought alone greatly humbles me as I wonder, who am I…

God places a task on each of our heart, He chooses each of us to fulfill that task, and then He leaves it up to each individual to obey or not. The thought of not obeying is terrifying to me. Its hard enough living life doing the right thing, how much harder would it be not to do so?

I was also reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness as I met with several people wanting to begin their own organizations that would affect the nations as well as the American people. The common look in all their eyes, as they presented their ideas, was fear. The fear was mostly of failing. I shared several times over of the Lord’s continued provision for TI from the beginning until now. When I presented my vision for TI, very few people believed it could be done and most sat back skeptically watching things unfold. I never went to people to ask for money or partnership. I just took an idea; I believe was from the Lord, and put it into action. Without ever trying to sell my vision, the Lord has massively multiplied the finances and people with a passion for Kenya. Now I can’t even count the number of people who support TI with their reputation, their time and money, to see it succeed. How amazing is this God who took an idea and made it a reality and for some reason, allowed me to be a part of His master plan… which isn’t finished by the way. As I was able to reflect on seeing how TI has grown in less than 5 years, I again was in total awe of the Lord’s greatness.

Over the past few days the Lord impressed me with:

He is building up bodies of believers all over the world and no matter where we journey, there will be a body there who, when effective, will meet our needs.

Our place in this world is first of all to Love God and then to serve people. If we can’t do these two things, then we won’t be effective.

The Father desires to meet all our needs as we lay down our own pride and selfishness.

As I’m typing this, I find myself on another flight, tired because I only got three hours of sleep last night, but so refreshed because of the truths He is speaking to me.

I have a great anticipation and excitement as I enter Canada, knowing the Father has yet more for me.

And I say this, all Glory and Honor goes to Him, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! May I humbly approach His thrown daily, seeking to serve wherever He may use me as His perfect will is fulfilled.

The Stories of a Traveler

2011-01-28T05:22:00.001-08:00

I’m a people watcher.

Whenever I travel, going from airport to airport, I can’t help but wonder the stories of each person. What are they doing, where are the going, what adventures have they lived? Are they someone doing great things or another person trying to fumble through life, hardly surviving from day to day?

When traveling, we all seem to meld together in a mob of nothing more than people. Headphones in, books out, not even a “hello” to the person on the plane next to us.

I sat for five hours next to a lady on my flight from San Francisco to Philadelphia and we didn’t acknowledge each other. I monitored my liquid intake because I didn’t want to trouble anyone by making them get out while I climbed from my window seat.

“Another soda”,

and risk breaking the unsocial mold that I fit so well into?

“No thank you.”

I can’t figure out why I’m so antisocial when I travel or am I just that way in general? I’ve fought so hard over the years not to talk about myself. I struggle with pride. If I engage a random stranger on a plane, I risk spending time talking about myself, or worse, hearing them talk about themselves. I hate pointless conversation. Maybe if I engaged this person in the seat next to me and they were a ‘talker,’ I would be stuck, for hours.

It’s so strange that I’ve encountered more people in one day than the whole last week put together and yet, I didn’t engage a single one in conversation. In fact, I don’t think I’ve said one word in the past 10 hours of travel. I’m more aware of this when I travel alone.

I’m a people watcher. I won’t talk to the people in the airport, but I love watching them, wondering what their stories are, watching their antisocial behaviors or watching family and friends interact with each other.

And I too wonder what my story is or is going to be. I feel like I have a story to tell, but will anyone care to listen, is it worth telling? Should I tell it to the lady sitting next to me on the plane?

All I know about the lady on the plane next to me is that she looks like she is about 60 years old and is reading a huge book that cost $34.99. I figured that out by the price tag on the back. I didn’t know books could cost that much. It’s not even a hard cover. The most random thing that captured my attention about her is that she hadn’t taken her eyes off of her book until the Simpsons came on the flight screen.

All I know about her is that she is a Simpson loving grandma who pays too much for books. She must have a story.

I love the story the Lord is writing with my life. I love the journey of becoming a man. It’s freakin’ hard by the way. Who knew that being a man would take so much time and effort? The journey of becoming a man is a good story.

My best friend in high school was a very social guy. I think he would have talked to every single person he ever sat next to on a plane.

Once I flew from Reno to Texas with him and he was in a suit and tie. He told me that it’s important to get dressed up when you travel. I didn’t understand, but I admired him so I didn’t question him further. Maybe that’s why he got all the girls.

He wouldn’t approve of my old sun faded jeans, plane t-shirt and second hand sweatshirt I’m wearing now. But he was a very social guy and had lots of great conversations with people. I loved listening to him talk. He loved hearing about people’s stories.

I’m not sure what “people watching” is good for or if my antisocial tendencies have any positive effect on my life. Most likely, they don’t.

This blog has no point really, only me expressing the random thoughts of a traveler.

The Toils of the Day

2011-01-27T04:52:00.001-08:00

As I sit and pray, I’m overwhelmed by the Father’s greatness and His love for me.

I was supposed to fly to Philly yesterday for a day of speaking engagements and meetings and more speaking throughout the week, but because of snow, my flight got canceled until today. I thought an extra day to stay home and relax would be nice, but I quickly found myself in a slump.

After a few hours I realized how selfish I was being. All my reasons for being grumpy were all about me.

Since last year’s internship program began, the Lord has been working on my heart in the area of selfishness, exposing what a self-centered person I really am. I sometimes wonder if my drive to work in Africa is more about what makes me feel good rather than what the Father desires from me. The Lord has exposed so much of this selfishness in the past months and He continues to do so. I get bogged down with the realization that I have surrendered my life to God, but many times my heart doesn’t display it.

I have no reason to complain and so much to be thankful for.

I was reminded, during a conversation with a good friend, of the years I spent being depressed. I’ve not shared much about it through my blogs, though I think I should.

I spent a good portion of my late teens and early 20’s very depressed, and at times, suicidal. I remember counseling one of my youth boys when I was a youth leader and he told me that he recently went on anti-depressants and they had made such a huge difference in his life. I was honestly jealous, wishing that it was me taking the medication. But I was too scared to do so because I was afraid that someone would find out and I would be kicked out of ministry.

I lived a poser life in so many ways, trying to please people rather then doing what was right and admitting my weaknesses.

When I was 25, I gained freedom from my depression. After reminiscing about these days with my friend, I was awe struck with the overwhelming joy of being free from my depression, for almost 6 years now. That alone is enough to be grateful for.

I’m thankful for the life and adventure the Lord allows me to live every day, whether in America or Africa, He brings a resounding joy with each new day.

Sometimes I tend to share only the great things going on in my life or the crazy adventures, but I leave out the toils that I encounter every day.

Today, a new day full of adventures, joy and toils of its own. And hopefully a flight to Philly.

A New Season and many more Adventures

2011-01-21T18:47:00.000-08:00

The essence of a man’s heart is adventure. Seeking to accomplish the impossible, to tackle the seemingly unachievable, to explore and live danger, to fall and pick himself back up, brush off and go at it again. I know this drive and deep need for adventure because that’s my heart’s desperate desire.

In my short life, I feel that I’ve already lived the adventures of several men, more than I could ever have anticipated and hoped for, mostly the past seven years in Africa. Living in mud huts with grass roofs in a village, overcoming death threats and traditional curses, being pulled off of a bus by armed men only to meet a mob of a hundred more, thirsty for blood, hitchhiking the African roads in the dark of night, standing guard with only a stick waiting for tribal attacks, taking down drunk men in the overcrowded markets, overcoming arrest threats because a bribe wouldn’t be paid, watching a child die, watching a dying child regain health and live.

These adventures only scratch the surface of all that come so quickly to mind. But the greatest adventure of them all has taken place over the past seven months, an adventure I’ve only shared with a few, until now.

There is something that burns in a man’s heart, perhaps even more so than the need for danger. This burning is the desire to fight for and pursue the beauty; God’s most magnificent creation, the woman. Not just any woman, but that “one” who he will one day, call his wife.

This journey, my journey, topping them all, has been my pursuit of the heart of a woman.

The full story is long and most beautiful, one I will begin to tell in the coming months.

But the short version is this…

Seven month ago, on July 4^th, to be exact, at a random home in Kitale, Kenya, I met a young lady from California. Honestly, she took my breath away the first time I saw her, but I see so many who come and go on their mini African adventures, I didn’t allow myself to hope.

I pulled myself together that day long enough to ask her name and pass a few minutes with small talk. I didn’t think about her again until I saw her three weeks later when I took a small group to visit the children’s home where she was donating her time.

After a few minutes of talking about the painting project she was working on, she had captured my attention, not only because of her stunning eyes, but because of her subtle confidence and witty responses. I went back to my home that day and couldn’t get this confident California girl out of my mind.

I gathered my strength and asked her out to lunch, a bold step for this ‘out of practice’ single, missionary guy.

Let me shorten the story here.

One lunch turned into two which turned into longer lunches every week for four months. With each time we met, my heart began to be captured by this woman and before I knew it, I was in love.

Sometime back in November we shared our growing feelings for each other and planned to spend time together in America.

That leads us to the present, well, this past month; we have spent most of it, with her family in LA and mine in Reno. After sitting down with both sets of parents and seeking their counsel and wisdom, they gave their blessing for us to pursue marriage.

And that we are!

This week I proposed to Ashlie Hope Wood, the young California woman who has so deeply captured my heart and my love. She eagerly agreed to marry me and to continue this journey by my side.

In three weeks from now I head back to Kenya, she will stay in America, and then I will return in May for our wedding.

Even as I type these words, I’m in total awe of the Lord’s greatness and His love for me.

These past years I felt like the poster child for good guys who are very single. I can’t count how many times I went to bed wondering if I would ever find the “one” who I would spend the rest of my life with. And now those days are over. Not only did I find the “one,” but she far exceeds all my hopes and desires. There is no doubt that the Lord created us for Him, and specifically for each other.

Though this has been the greatest adventure I have so far lived, I know that it’s only the beginning.

I can’t wait to share the whole story of my pursuit of Ashlie, and I will. The story must be told, because its one not only of love, but of the Father’s perfect plan played out in His time.

Why me?

2011-01-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

Often I wonder what I was created for. Really, why am I on this planet? Why did the Creator choose to bring me to this world and why am I on this path?

I had a great childhood; better than most people I know. I was not only born into a family who loved me, cared for me and raised me, but I was born into the wealthiest culture in the history of mankind.

Lina, a Kenyan orphan, I have to admit, is one of my favorites. I know, we aren’t supposed to have favorites, but I do. Her warm childish smile captures my heart every time and I’m often distracted when I hear her laugh from another room. Even at eight-years- old, she will climb up on my lap when she sees me and nuzzle into my neck. Only minutes later, she’s asleep. I think she feels safe when she is with me.

Two years ago I found Lina, all but totally abandoned with her 11 year old sister. Her grandmother had left them two weeks earlier with no food in the small mud and grass structure. The first sight of her is burned into my memory. She was sitting on the dry ground, dirty, dehydrated and hungry. Flies swarmed an open wound on her right leg which was infected and oozing puss. As I picked her up, she had no expression on her face. Her eyes were lifeless. Her head fell on my shoulder and she didn’t lift it up for a long while. As I carried her out of that village, my heart cried. I would have been in tears on the ground if I wasn’t trying to offer my strength to this dying child. Lina almost died that day.

After a week in the hospital, I learned that she had HIV, we also learned that if she wouldn’t have been brought to the hospital that day, she wouldn’t have lived.

I boarded a plane a few days ago from Reno. As the plane gained altitude, the Sierra mountains become more clear and I was awe struck by their beauty. Knowing that my Father created them for the enjoyment of His people, left me feeling so small. I realized, at that moment, how insignificant I really am. God doesn’t need me. Look at His amazing creation, and He did it without my help. I’m humbled by this thought. I’m humbled by the magnitude of God.

I don’t understand why God brought me into the world, gave me a wonderful family, allowed me to live in a wealthy country and why He is giving Lina a life story that is distinctly opposite. It leaves me feeling so fortunate and again, so selfish.

Once when I was a kid, I got mad because my friends had a Playstation and my family didn’t even have a TV with a remote. We were stuck with the one my parents got as a wedding gift in 1979. I’ve never met a Kenyan child who gets mad because he feels that he deserves a Playstation or X Box. The reality is we don’t deserve anything.

So I’m still stuck with my ever nagging question, why did God make me? I don’t know if I will ever fully know. I am convinced, though, that I need to live every aspect of every day of my life for His glory and for His Kingdom and doing so as nothing more than a servant.

“Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Cor. 10:31.

Oh, how bewildering this verse is. I can’t even begin to thing about how many areas of my life aren’t bringing glory to God and how many areas are for self gratification and preservation. Even if I choose to walk out every area of my life to glorify God, it will take a long time to purge my nature.

But I will try, I must.

I don’t know why God brought me to this world and I don’t know why He loves me so much. But I’m O.K. with that. I’m O.K. knowing that when I get up each new morning, I get to serve the almighty Creator of this universe.

Contentment

2011-01-03T09:13:00.000-08:00

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.” Philippians 4:11-12

These verses have been heavy on my heart as I’ve spent the last three and a half weeks home, in Reno. I always have a hard time mentally transitioning from living among the Kenyan culture surrounded by so much need to coming to a place of excess. It’s challenging to justifying my $4.35 coffee from Starbucks or spending $20 on a single meal, knowing full well that there are so many times when I’m “in humble means.”

I’ve been wrestling with trying to understand why both cultures are suffering so much. I’m overwhelmed when I think back a month ago, walking the Shimo slums with a group of teen mothers, seeing them in their distress, their suffering, their desperate fight for life. Then I find myself, only weeks later, walking in a mall, in America. And though people have arms draped with shopping bags filled with their newest treasures, I notice such despair resting uneasily on their faces. Almost as if they too are fighting for their lives.

I’m constantly in this middle world, neither fully understanding the Kenyan culture and suffering and equally no longer understanding my own culture. My heart breaks for both.

I’m sitting here now, in my parent’s home, surrounded by the modern conveniences of our developed country. I enjoy every one of them and I don’t take a single thing for granted. I’m also reflecting on my years living in an African village, surrounded by nothing more than mud walls with grass as a roof to keep out the storms. I too, didn’t take that for granted.

Life is so much bigger than we can even imagine. I feel like I’ve only experienced the smallest measurable amount of what this life has to offer, what God has to offer. I often wonder what I have to experience, for the Father.

Why me?

I don’t know the answer to this question and I may never know. Honestly, I don’t really care that much. I’m just so thankful that He allows me to get up every morning and serve Him. Whether in the American culture, Africa or any other place He might have in His plans.

Paul’s words resonate in my mind this morning as I begin to understand what he meant when he said that he has learned to be content in whatever circumstance. He said that he learned the “secret” of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I think the secret was that he was only about serving the Father, and the kind of food and shelter and amount of money in his pocket didn’t change his ability to serve.

I’m thankful for this season in my life. Though living in the comforts of the culture I was born into, this season is filled with adventure and experiences that continue to build my faith.

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2011-01-01T02:47:00.000-08:00

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TI on KTVN Channel 2 News

2010-12-22T00:58:00.001-08:00

Where are your Treasures?

2010-12-14T07:20:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I had the honor to speak at several churches in Nevada. Listen bellow...

Transformed Int. Update

2010-11-17T22:13:00.000-08:00

I put an update on the TI web page about all that is going on with TI.

TI Update Page

A Walk to Town

2010-11-09T18:27:00.000-08:00

I can’t remember the last time I walked to town alone. Either I’m with other people or in a rush and hop on a bicycle taxi. Today I had time and I needed to exercise after hours in the office sitting at my computer.

I didn’t realize how much I needed it. The joy alone, of meeting the children on the paths, was so worth it.

I walked past a tree and heard laughter coming from somewhere up top. I looked up to see several children, about 25 feet up, picking fruit. They didn’t seem to notice me as I passed.

Walking away, the Father spoke to my heart. “You hear their joy? Do you see the simplicity of their life? That, my child, is what I want from you. Just enjoy the provision I have given you and I will take care of the rest.”

A burden was lifted as these words sunk into my heart.

“And Jesus called out to them saying ‘Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.’” Luke 1816-17

Lessons learned today:

- I need to walk to town, alone, more often.

- I need to stop and watch the children playing in the trees.

- I need to have the same kind of faith that a child has, in his earthly father, in my Father in heaven.

some thought about faith...

2010-11-08T09:34:00.000-08:00

This morning I had one of those moments when I realized I was in Africa. Seriously, I forget most days. The things that used to be so odd and out of place have become normal. It’s even come to the point where I forget that I’m white.

I’m in Africa living a dream; it is a dream to me because I pictured my life being so different. I’m thankful that the Lord had other plans for me.

I’m wrestling with the Lord over several issues today. One being my faith in Him as I pray through future plans for my life.

Francis Chan teaches on being lukewarm Christians. I watched it this morning with our interns. I became an emotional basket case as tears constantly welled up.

In the teaching, Chan made two comments that were so bold and yet, so real. First, he said, standing in front of a huge church congregation, where many attending thought they were saved but were not, said that if they didn’t get their lives on the right path and pursue a real relationship with God, then they were going to hell. Honestly, who stands in front of a church and says that? Second, he said that he would give up even his wife and children in order to be on fire for his Creator. Again, even if one believed that, who would say it?

It was my second time in two days watching the teaching and the Lord was pulling new things out and planting them in my heart. I realized that my boldness in declaring my passion for God has, somehow, faded and become dormant.

I’ve been pondering the things that I’ve not given over to the Lord, the things that are keeping me from being on fire. It’s a lack of surrender that is keeping me from fully throwing my life at the feet of my Father.

I’ve been praying, for the past months, about the Lord’s direction for my life and for the ministry in which He has used me. I’m thrilled about the visions and passions being revived but even in my excitement, I’m fearful to take the necessary steps.

"Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 11:6

My prayer today is for more faith; faith to trust in the Lord with all my heart, faith not to lean on my own understanding, faith that He will lead me in the path that I should go and that I will have the courage to follow.

This morning I woke up in Africa and right now, there is no place I would rather be because my walk with my Father is never boring and my love for Him grows deeper with each passing day. And with each passing day, He captures more of my heart.

Some random morning thoughts...

2010-11-07T20:06:00.000-08:00

I am overwhelmed this morning as the Lord, once again, convicts me about many flaws in my life. I kick myself for repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The Lord revealed to me, today, that the root cause of my sin in my own selfishness. Why didn’t I see this sooner? Is that not what James said?

“Each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust…”

As I pondered my selfishness that was leading to my reoccurring sin and my inability to have a loving heart, the Lord reminded me of the message to the church of Laodicea in Revelations chapter 3.

“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. Because you say, ‘I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,’ and you do not know what you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked… Those whom I love, I reproved and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent.” (Revelations 3:15-19)

Though I stand in the midst of poverty and care daily for the needs of the widows and orphans, though I live on almost nothing and have learned to be content in such circumstances, somehow, I have begun to walk the path of the lukewarm.

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

There truly is nothing greater in this world than knowing Christ Jesus as my Lord (Philippians 3:8). And if I believe that, then my life would look different than it does now.

Living the life as a servant in the mission field isn’t easy. A few months ago, I began a season of prayer, laying before the Lord the plans He has for me and for the work being done in Kenya. Through this time of prayer, I’ve been asked this question, “Are you willing to go anywhere, do anything and surrender all?” My answer, of course, is yes. But then I started to take count of what I would give up.

I haven’t given up all things yet. Possessions, yes, personal desires, no.

I feel that this next month will continue to be a season of prayer for me as I seek the Lord’s heart in all things.

In a month from now I will be on a plane for the States, the first time in almost two years. As I travel around North America in these two months, I will be speaking to churches and different groups who have been involved with TI. And as I pray for these meetings in advance, I can’t help but wonder; who am I that He would allow me to speak to people and what message does he want me to present to them… I feel so unworthy. Not the worse place to be, I know, because my heart is so humbled. I know that’s where the Lord wants me but at the same time, it’s not a comfortable place to be.

I’m excited that the Lord hasn’t given up on me, nor will He. That thought alone gives me so much hope and desire to keep pressing on.

My Life Fits in a Duffle Bag (Part 1)

2010-10-24T12:08:00.001-07:00

I’ve had many requests to blog about this subject, but I’ve been hesitant for several reasons. First, I don’t want people to take my personal convictions and think that I’m pushing my opinions on them. Second, money seems like such a touchy topic among Christians, especially in the midst of an economic downturn. But the time has come for this blog.

When I was finishing my degree at UNR, I had my life planned out. This plan included being very financially stable, owning a nice house and driving a decent car. My father instilled good financial skills in me and taught me how to save. Good preparation, I thought, to live the American dream.

How owning a nice house and driving a decent car turned into living in Africa in a mud hut or 10 x 10 room that is my bedroom at night and my office during the day, I don’t know. The nice bathroom with the “his and hers” double sink surrounded by marble countertops was traded for an outdoor shower and pit latrine, the savings account was traded for never having more than a few hundred dollars in my bank account at any given time.

This was not at all the life I had planned… Thankfully, though, the Lord had better plans for me.

I was encouraged this morning by the words of James (1:9) when he says that the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position. I think he says this because we don’t have anything else to glory in other than our nothingness.

During my second year in Kenya, I lived in a tent. Yes, a tent in Africa. For those who have seen the tropical downpours, you know that no tent ever made could withstand such torment. But that’s not the point. I was in the tent on the compound of a children home reading when a few of the teen boys came to tell me that some of the new kids needed new clothes and for $30, all of them could be outfitted. I told them that I would let them know later that day. Knowing that I had emptied my bank account the week before, I went to my wallet to see what was left, $35. I felt that I needed to get these kids clothes, but at the same time knew that it was on my last $35.

Who is in their mid 20s with a university degree and living in a tent in Africa with only a few bucks left? Ya, that was me… I felt pity for myself. God and I argued a lot that afternoon but in the end, He won and I knew I had to get these guys their clothes.

The next morning I woke up regretting what I had done. My faith was so limited and I knew that I was going to spend my last $5 getting to town and checking my e-mail that very same day. The 45 minute walk and 30 minute matatu ride to town seemed like eternity as the Lord continued to challenge my faith in Him, my faith in His provision.

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do now sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?... So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself…” (Matthew 6:25-27,34)

I beelined for the internet café, a place that had 10 stone aged computers connected to dial up where it took at least 5 minutes to load up one page. The first e-mail was from my mom. She said that when they had come home from dinner that night, there was an envelope in the front door with my name on it and 5 $100 bills inside. Once again the Lord had shown His faithfulness and provision.

I’m prone to worry. In fact, I worry a lot more than I should. I get sick thinking about how many hours of my life I’ve wasted worrying. Many!

When the Lord wants to teach us something, He keeps testing us in that area until we get it. Kind of like going around a race track again and again and again until one day the light goes on and we learn to respond properly.

After almost seven years in Kenya, I can honesty say that one of the hardest trials I’ve faced is trusting the Lord for financial provision. I spent 4 ½ years on that track before I learned to totally trust him.

My Life Fits in a Duffle Bag (Part 2)

2010-10-24T12:07:00.001-07:00

In my pre-Africa days, I never thought that I would literally be on my knees without a single cent to my name, asking the Lord for provision for food the following day. Talk about being humbled. I grew up in the American culture where society tells us that we have all the abilities to provide for ourselves and not only to provide, but to be wealthy. Society also tells us men that we are defined as a man by our ability to work hard and buy nice things. Now, I know this is a lie and that true value does not come from a man’s belongings, but it’s still ingrained somewhere deep in my heart. And here I was, on my knees asking the Lord for my daily bread.

The Lord’s Prayer makes so much more since.

I can’t even count the times that I have asked the Lord for food for the following day and time and time again, He provided. I never went hungry for a single day.

I have a personal conviction, and I’ve not shared this publicly until now.

I believe that if the Lord wants me to be somewhere, like Kenya, that He will provide for all my needs and He will do so without my efforts to solicit funds. Seven years now and I’ve never sent out a letter asking for support. Seven years and not a single person or group sends me regular monthly support. And in most cases, I rarely receive a personal donation from the same person twice in a year. Seven years and I’ve never lacked. Shocking, I know. But it is clear to me that the Lord wants me to be here at this time.

Before I came to Kenya several people told me to send out support letters and ask for money. I didn’t feel peace about it.

Again, this is a personal conviction and I’m not condemning people who do things differently. I have no right to do so.

My logic for this conviction is for another day.

In the years of doing full time ministry in Kenya and never knowing where support will come from, I’ve learned to depend totally on God. When I’m lacking, I don’t go to man, but to God. I’ve learned to go to God first in other areas of my life, too.

Several people have told me that if I ever need financial assistance to be sure to tell them. I quickly respond and tell them that I would never tell them if I was lacking because I don’t want to become accustomed to going to man for provision, but, on the other hand, if they ever felt the prompting of the spirit, to listen.

You may be wondering how I survive without monthly support. Part of it is based on the fact that I’ve squeezed my monthly living budget to $300. Seems like such a small amount of money, yet its living in luxury compared to the average Kenyan who lives on $30 a month.

My Life Fits in a Duffle Bag (Part 3)

2010-10-24T12:06:00.001-07:00

A few months ago I went to Europe with my parents. I finished packing and looked back into my empty closet and realized that I had packed just about everything I owned in a duffle bag. If I up and left for good with only one duffle bag of stuff, there wouldn’t be much left behind. Growing up in a society that places so much value and personal identity on owning things, I felt very empty at that moment. I’m 30 years old and my life fits into a duffle bag. I had to process this thought and talk myself out of self pity.

It seems that I pity myself a lot.

I owned more things when I was 18 years old than I do now, I think I had more money in my bank account, too.

Pity party over, I may not own a lot, but my values have changed over the years and a new kind of joy and purpose drives me every day.

All too often we become lovers of money or lovers of the idea of money. It’s at this point that we take things into our own hands.

I thought that since I was serving in Kenya and I didn’t want to depend on support from people and my faith wasn’t so good, then I would be like Paul. Paul was a tent maker and provided for his own needs. If Paul could do it, so could I. I decided to take my last wad of personal money and invest it in a bicycle taxi business. I had a great plan and a great team of people who seemed willing to help make this successful. Before I even made the investment, I was calculating the massive returns on my investment into this bicycle taxi business. At the end of the month, I would be sitting on a lofty $400 a month, more than an enough to live here.

“Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have.” Hebrews 13:5

The business worked out well for a few months then one thing after another happened. A bike got stolen, another one got hit by a car and before I knew it, I had lost everything.

I thought it was a test from God. He wanted me to press on and start another business. This time I borrowed $1500. The investment was a sure bet and I would be able to repay the money in only a few months. Again I dreamt of all I could do with the monthly income I would have. And yet again, the business failed, for no reason, and I lost all my investment. Not only did I lose the investment, I was in debt. I don’t believe in being in debt but it seemed justified in this case. I mean, it was for the ministry and all. I was wrong. It took me over a year to repay the money and I was only able to do so by selling my last two guitars, my last possessions worth anything.

After a third attempt, I finally gave up and decided that God didn’t want me to start a business but to depend totally on Him for all my daily needs. I wish God could have told me this without me losing all my money and guitars in the process.

My Life Fits in a Duffle Bag (Part 4)

2010-10-24T12:04:00.000-07:00

It used to be hard for me to transition between being in Kenya living on a meager budget to being back in the States sipping a $4 cup of coffee at Startbucks. I would feel guilty and couldn’t enjoy my overpriced cup of coffee, knowing full well that what I spent could have fed a Kenyan family for several days. Then I read Paul’s words in his letter to the Philippians:

“I have learned to be content in what ever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity, in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

So then it’s ok for me to go from calling a pit latrine my bathroom to enjoying a $50 meal that someone took me to? Yes it is. And it is surely ok for me to enjoy my over priced cup of coffee.

I think all too often we are guilted into giving up things in life rather than owning it as a personal conviction. There is a difference. If I do something because someone has made me feel guilty, then I will grow to resent that person. But if I own a conviction, I only become more of a passionate person.

I’m earnestly praying about expanding TI to another country in the next year, at least doing an exploration trip to assess the possibilities. In the future I would also really like to get married and have children. As I think about these things, especially having a family, my faith is tested once again.

As the “man” of the house, it will be my responsibility to provide for my family. And as a crazy guy who has no job and prays for daily provision, I tend to lose heart when I think about bringing a family into this same lifestyle.

Then I return to the understanding that this is the same God who has provided for me all these years and who has never let me know hunger or go without a place to lay my head at night.

I’m excited to see what the Lord has in store for me in the coming days and where He wants me to serve next. I’m nervous, but trusting, as He leads me down new paths and allows my faith to be challenged day after day. I continue to trust in Him to confirm His will through the provision of my daily needs.

I don’t mind that my life fits into a duffle bag. In fact, it excites me, because with only little notice, my duffle bag and I could be told to get ready for the next journey… or it could rest quietly under my bed. “May the will of my Creator and Father be done and may I continue to obey”.

Beauty Affirmed (my conclusion)

2010-10-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we watched a Bruxy Cavey sermon called “The Culture of HOT.” I’m not a fan of watching sermons, in fact I can count on one hand how many I’ve watched/listened to this whole year, but this series was great. As a group, we have been going through a series by Cavey called “Get Over Yourself,” focusing on how self-centeredness has become the norm. This last week’s sermon hit on several points from my last blog, including talking about how much time we spend making sure that we look good… according to what we think is normal.

Cavey made a point that answered my questions in my last blog. He said “Let’s learn to celebrate character rather than looks.” He went on to describe how easy it is to complement someone’s new haircut or new clothes, but how strange it has become to complement a character quality in another person.

I appreciated the anonymous comment:

“I don't think it's ever appropriate to comment on the physical attributes of a person of the opposite sex. The question you would need to ask yourself is, "What purpose is to be served?" … Better to stick with commenting on a person's character. The standard is universal and unchangeable, and unlike physical attributes, a person's character can be changed through encouragement.”

And I agree. What will we gain by complementing someone’s physical attributes…

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord. She shall be praised.”

I am excited to have a community of people whom I’m around all the time for the next two months because now I can focus on complementing their character and do it with ease rather than complementing their looks and being uncomfortable about it.

Beauty Affirmed

2010-09-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

I want to be beautiful

And make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart

And be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

I just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful.

- Bethany Dillon, “Beautiful”

I remember sitting with a group of my close guy friends, it was about eight years ago. As we were enjoying a good cup of Starbucks coffee, we began to talk about what we find attractive in a woman, the things that we find beautiful. It was a solid group of guys, mature beyond their years in their thinking.

In the hours of conversations that followed, no one used the words “Hot” or “Sexy.” No one described a super model in a bikini.

In fact, one of the guys said that he doesn’t want someone too attractive because he himself doesn’t feel that he would match up to her. Another said that he wouldn’t want to have to be fighting off the wandering eyes of other men.

And the consensus of the group was when it came to body types, each guy was attracted to someone that was average.

But the most attractive woman, we decided, was the one who was confident about herself, no matter what she looked like.

In the years that have followed this deep revelation to a group of young single men, I’ve continued to ponder these points, especially when it comes to the perspective of women.

John and Stasi Eldredge capture the deep heart of a woman in this paragraph from their book Captivating:

Don’t you recognize that a woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to posses a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affect other, a beauty all our own to unveil.

The yearning to be seen… oh how you are seen, but how to tell you that I see you, that’s my question. Sadly my generation affirms a woman by how she looks and uses terms that can be degrading and shallow. And even so, to affirm a woman’s deep beauty is most often taken in one way, a declaration of attraction.

I was standing in the kitchen one day last week with a group of young single women, our interns. I discussed how I was perplexed that when women I care about don’t feel attractive and I don’t know how to affirm them or explain that I, in fact, think that they are very beautiful. Because, in the past, when I’ve done so, some mistakenly think I am saying this to initiate a relationship with them or I’m flirting. In much the same way that someone views a guy holding a door open for a woman. It’s the right thing to do and as men, we should do it for every woman. But many times when I’ve opened the door and allowed a lady to walk through first, wedding colors were being picked out. Now, this has not at all deterred me from opening doors, but just as a simple statement of affirmation, opening doors, can too, be misunderstood.

The interns and I continued to talk about how hard it is for a single man to affirm the inner and outer beauty of a single woman, even one he is close to, without her viewing it as a pick up line. It works the other way as well. Men desire to be affirmed in their masculinity, but this too, when done by a woman, can be misconstrued. I have, perhaps, two female friends who can affirm my masculinity, and I don’t feel strange about it. However, I still find it difficult affirming their beauty without feeling awkward.

Proverbs 4:23 says “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”

If I affirm a single lady of her beauty and I do it with pure motives, but she receives it in a way that says I’m attracted to her and I want a relationship, I’m not effectively watching over her heart.

I’m going to conclude this blog without any conclusion at all, because I have none. I’ve not resolved this in my own mind. But I want to pose a question and I hope that the readers, both men and women, single and married, will take time to respond and give their input.

If women have the desire to be seen and have there beauty affirmed by men and men desire to have their masculinity affirmed by women, how can it be done and yet, be received for the pure statement that it is? Or, can it be done at all?

Captivating; by John and Stasi Elderedge, 2005. p.17

A Simple Beggar

2010-09-09T10:27:00.000-07:00

A few days ago Sean and I were waiting for a bus in a line of over 100 people downtown Nairobi. It was dark, people were pushing and crowding each other and we just wanted to get on a bus to the airport to pick up the interns. My patience was growing thin with each person who stepped on my foot, pushed me out of their way or tried to cut in front of me. Inwardly I was grumbling, mad at myself for not getting there earlier and mad at all the people who were inconveniencing me by making the line so long.

Out of nowhere came a blind man begging for money. He was short with a tattered plain button up shirt and a ball cap. In one hand he had a white stick and in the other, a plastic cup with a few coins which he rattled as he walked.

Whenever I see someone begging in Nairobi, instantly, I become skeptical. I remember a Kenyan friend of mine who used to work in Nairobi telling me that some of them could make up to $50 a day begging on the street. Not bad when the national daily average is a dollar.

I watched from a few feet away to see if anyone would put a coin in his cup. A person a few feet in front of me did. The blind man stopped and thanked the person and then thanked God for the provision of that coin. I’ve seen a lot of beggars here, but never one like this. I watched him a few minutes longer to see if his behavior was routine. Sure enough, another coin and another prayer of thanks to God for the provision of that coin.

Each coin alone couldn’t do much, but he still thanked God.

Right there, in the midst of the growing line for the bus, I was struck with my lack of gratitude to God. How many hundreds of things do I have each day that this man doesn’t and, yet I feel that I’m entitled to them. Not even a simple “thank you” to God.

Since then I’ve been trying to talk to God more, thanking Him for the simple things in life; the small daily provisions and too, not feeling that I am owed anything at all, because I’m not.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; For His loving-kindness is everlasting!” (Psalms 118:1)

A Kiss from God

2010-09-04T21:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. Mostly when something isn’t going how I think it should be going, I get a little depressed and all else seemingly falls apart. Then when I know things can’t get worse, I walk outside and the dog jumps on my clean kaki pants and leaves perfect mud paw prints.

I wonder why I feel sorrier for myself than happy for myself or most often, just neutral. It’s not until I cross paths with someone with a disability, maybe deaf or blind, its only then that I truly thank God for the abilities that I have.

I was watching a mentally disabled kid the other day; he was in a crowd of people dancing to some rock music playing over a loud speaker, not a care in the world. The smarter we are the more life sucks, honestly, we have all the brain power to do whatever we want in life and to make the most of it and we get depressed and down and feel bad for ourselves, at least I do.

As I watched the kid dancing I wondered what God would say to me at that moment.

“I give you life, adventure, heath, full abilities and you still aren’t satisfied; you’re the retard.” I wonder if God is politically correct and would call me “mentally disabled” instead.

God gives me simple kisses on the cheek sometimes; just a small thing that says “Son, I love you.” A sunrise while I’m running in the morning, the birds dancing around the bird bath, a hidden brook I stumble across, or allowing me to watch a simple child dancing to his own, unique tune. And it’s with these simple kisses that He reminds me how much He loves and cares for me and how blessed I am to have the life I do.

And then after that kiss, he kicks me in the butt and tells me to get over myself.

On writing a book

2010-09-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

Over the past several years, I’ve sat down over 50 times to write a book. Who knew that starting a book would be so hard? Still, I have nothing other than scattered thoughts that can’t seem to get from my mind to the pages on my computer. Actually, about ten years ago, I did write a book, I don’t tell people about it because I feel so stupid now. I wrote a book on Biblical values for guy/girl relationships. In all my wisdom and experience, I had as a sheltered and naive 20 year old, I managed to get over 100 pages of diluted wisdom on the pages of a book. The problem now, ten years later, is that I realize how much I don’t know. The older I get the more stupid I become. Not really, it only feels that way.

So, I’ve resolved this fall to really begin working on my book and I’m giving myself a year to finish it. I think it is totally possible as long as I find the discipline to, daily, plug away at it and it is equally possible that in a year from now I will be reading over old blogs and find this one and kick myself for letting another year go by without putting my deepest thoughts down in writing.

I’ve been disappointed for my lack of discipline in blogging. I blog more for myself than a few readers. I’ve been thinking about why my frequency of blogging has slowed down. I realized that I don’t like to blog about the “normal” stuff but only enjoy writing about deeper personal issues and observations. In reality, sometimes I get afraid that my life is too open. I more often forget that I’m a director of a fast growing ministry and there is an untold expectation that is put on my shoulders. If not by other people, no doubt, by myself. I return to an ongoing internal debate, do I open up about my life or keep it private? Of course there are things I’m going to keep private, but there are also vital life lessons I’m learning along the way that could give people insight into their own life struggles.

And the debate goes on, but until I reach a conclusion, I will commit to more frequent blogs and hopefully one day, a finished manuscript.

New constitution for Kenya as 'No' team concedes

2010-08-05T04:25:00.000-07:00

NAIROBI, Kenya — A top leader in the campaign against a new constitution in Kenya is conceding defeat.

Preliminary results announced Thursday showed that Kenya's new constitution is likely to pass overwhelmingly. Almost 70 percent of the country voted in favor of the new constitution.

William Ruto, Kenya's higher education minister and a top leader of the "No" team, said that the majority of Kenyans had their say in the vote.

The new constitution would dramatically cut back the president's powers by setting up an American-style system of checks and balances and paving the way for much-needed land reform.

The referendum was one of the conditions of the power-sharing agreement in 2008 that ended postelection violence that left more than 1,000 people dead.

To read the full story click on the LINK

Yes in the lead after Kenya vote

2010-08-04T11:32:00.000-07:00

BY PHILIP SAMBU and EVELYN NJOROGE
NAIROBI, Kenya, Aug 4 - Provisional results released by the Interim Independent Electoral Commission at 8.15pm local time placed the Yes camp ahead with 2,680,416 votes against the No with 1,392,420.

The chairman of the IIEC Issack Hassan said that they were yet to receive results from 11, 839 polling centres across the country and expected to continue providing hourly updates.

The transmission of electronic results begun at 7pm, live from the constituencies. Tallying from areas that have a large number of registered voters was expected to continue into the night with their results expected at about midnight.

"We are expecting our officers to come with form six and form seven to Nairobi, which is going to be the official results that we will declare eventually. We however don't expect much difference between what's being announced and what's going to come to the officers," Mr Hassan said.

Arrangements have been made to have officers who announce the results at the constituency level travel to the Bomas of Kenya before the final tally is declared.

To read the full story click on the LINK
2009 Capital News. Capital Group Limited.

Mid Day update from Kitale

2010-08-04T03:43:00.000-07:00

A few of us started out the day with a walk to and from town. Things were vary calm, most shops in Kitale were shut down. There was a UN and Red Cross medical tent set up in town and about 5 Land Cruisers with police driving around. A few electronic shops were open with small crowds gathered around any operating tv, just to catch a gimps of news. I've talked to friends in Eldoret and Nairobi and things are calm in both places.

Here are a few stories that just came online...

- Daniel

High Turnout for Kenyan Constitution Referendum

By Muthigani Kiama

NAKURU Kenya (Reuters) - Kenyans voted in droves in a referendum on a new constitution on Wednesday, a poll seen as a test of democracy after disputed 2007 elections and one that could reshape the politics of east Africa's largest economy.

The constitutional changes are seen as important to avoid a repeat of the post-election tribal bloodshed in early 2008 that killed 1,300 people and took the country of about 40 million people to the brink of anarchy.

They address the corruption, political patronage, land grabbing and tribalism which have plagued Kenya since it won independence in 1963. The changes allow for greater checks on presidential powers, more devolution to grassroots administrations and an increase in civil liberties.

There were long queues at polling stations across the country, especially in the Rift Valley centres of Eldoret and Nakuru that were at the epicentre of the post-election violence.

Most Kenyans are expected to vote in favour of the new constitution, according to surveys. If the law fails, Kenya would revert to the current constitution bequeathed by former colonial power Britain....

To Read more of this story, follow the LINK

Polling officer dies as Kenyan poll kicks off
by Rose Kamau

IIEC chairman Isaak Hassan says 90 % of polling stations opened in time for the referendum exercise though there were slight delays in a few areas despite the voters turning up as early as 5am.
Hassan blamed the delays on various reasons including natural calamities including harsh weather conditions.
He cited Marakwet West where the presiding officer died Tuesday night following a short illness.
The officer who was a teacher at Queen of Peace Secondary School in Marakwet District, had on Monday evening been admitted to AIC Mission Hospital in Kapsowar complaining of chest problems.
An accident in Turkana Central also caused a delay in opening of the exercise in the area. A helicopter was dispatched to airlift voting material and officers to polling station.
In Galole, one polling station had not commenced operations by 11.30 am as polling material and officers were stuck 27 km away following heavy rains pounding the area. Hassan says arrangements are being made to deliver them to the station.
In Lake Turkana four polling stations had been inaccessible as boats could not cross the lake but Hassan says a police helicopter has been dispatched to airlift the material.
He said the confusion that marred the exercise especially in Nairobi had been ironed out adding that members of the media should be allowed full access to polling stations without being required to take the oath of secrecy. He however urged the media to respect authorities at the polling stations and the privacy of voters.
Once again Hassan reiterated that IIEC was committed to a free and fair poll and was addressing all complaints as they are received at the Bomas tallying centre.
Meanwhile deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta has expressed optimism that Kenyans would endorse the new constitution.
Uhuru who cast his vote at Mutomo Primary School urged Kenyans to iron out differences that rose during the campaigns and embark on streamlining the new law.
At Thika Stadium, there was a slight delay in the exercise following a mix up of names.
In Mombasa, there were delays in a few polling stations with the media personnel being denied access inside the polling stations despite having accreditation from the IIEC.
Voting at Kagujo primary school kicked off at 6.30am behind schedule while at Fort Jesus polling station there was also a delay with voters complaining that the IIEC officials were not following procedure because they were calling in voters alphabetically.
Tourism Minister Najib Balala said the outcome of the referendum vote should herald a rebirth for the country.
Speaking at the Patel Samaj hall in Mombasa where he cast his vote at 8.15 am, Balala stressed on the need for all Kenyans despite their affiliations to maintain peace and respect the outcome of the referendum vote.
"You possess the greatest weapon to change the destiny of this nation so use it wisely," he said.
"Kenya shall remain united whether the No or Yes side wins since it is not about politics but the constitution of this country which should be respected", he added.
Earlier, former Kisauni member of parliament Anania Mwaboza cast his vote at the Kagujo primary school in the constituency while the incumbent Ali Hassan Joho voted at the Star of the Sea primary school at around 9.30 a.m.
Mombasa Island has an estimated 300,000 registered voters.
NCCK Secretary general Canon Peter Karanja said the No camp would accept the referendum results if the exercise is free and fair.
Canon Karanja also predicted a big win for the no camp when he cast his vote at Thiririka Primary school in Juja. He however called for a peaceful referendum.
The church has been in the forefront in opposing the proposed law citing clauses on the Kadhis' courts and the 'abortion clause.
To read the full story click on the LINK

Kenya votes on new constitution amid high security

2010-08-03T23:02:00.000-07:00

NAIROBI, Kenya — Long lines of voters formed before sunrise in the Kenyan capital early Wednesday, as voters cast ballots on a new constitution that would reduce the powers of the presidency and give citizens a bill of rights.

Leaders here have called on the country to carry out a peaceful referendum, and police say they are better placed to deal with any post-vote violence than during the 2007-08 killing spree after the disputed presidential election.

"People were here as early as 3 a.m.," said George Rabalah, an elections worker at a school in Kibera, Nairobi's largest slum. "They are so anxious to vote."

The international community, and particularly the United States, has urged Kenyans to pass the constitution, which would reduce the powers of the presidency. The draft has raised emotions over land rights, abortion and Muslim family courts.

"I want a new constitution because I want a government which will have direction," said Yuviwalis Kenya Oyuti, 47, a security guard who arrived at the polling station at 5 a.m.

The "No" camp has alleged that the vote will be rigged, but election officials said that the vote tallying will be broadcast live on TV and radio.

Violence following the last nationwide vote 2 1/2 years ago killed more than 1,000 people, and the country's authorities are working to avoid a repeat of the mayhem.

The constitutional referendum is one of the conditions of the power-sharing agreement between President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minster Raila Odinga that ended the 2007-08 violence. Both leaders back the new constitution.

"I appeal to Kenyans to turn out and cast their votes in large numbers. Let us do so peacefully. Let us also embrace one another as brothers and sisters even after the referendum," Kibaki said in a televised address. "I assure you all that security has been stepped up in all parts of the country."

Political and religious leaders campaigning against the constitution alleged the government plans to rig the vote. They claimed this included using a branch of the police force to impersonate campaign agents during the count. The "No" camp said they had informed the electoral commission and had put in place measures to guard against rigging.

"We urge all Kenyans to vote peacefully during the referendum tomorrow. Do not engage in any form of violence or coercion, and indeed do all in your power to restrain those who try to disrupt the peace of our nation," said Njeru Kathangu, reading a statement on behalf of the other "No" leaders.

The head of Kenya's electoral commission said that vote tallying will be more transparent than during the last election, when claims of vote rigging led to violence. The count will be broadcast live on TV and radio.

"When it is on the public domain it becomes difficult to manipulate the results," Isaack Hassan said.

The leaders of the "Yes" campaign called on Kenyans to remain peaceful after the vote.

"We shall accept the democratic choice of the Kenyan people and we shall congratulate the Kenyan people for doing a good job," said Anyang Nyongo, the government minister of the Medical Services ministry.

The "No" vote is backed by most of Kenya's church community, which objects to a clause that says abortion is permitted if the life or health of the mother is in danger according to the opinion of a "trained health professional." The draft also has stirred emotions over publicly funded family courts for Muslims.

Polls show the constitution is likely to pass. Politicians and analysts predict the referendum will be largely peaceful, but at least 200 people in the volatile Rift Valley have fled their homes, fearing a new flare-up.

Kenya is sending thousands of extra police officers to the Rift Valley, home of the largest concentration of Kenyans planning to vote against the constitution and site of some of the worst attacks in 2007-08. During the violence, tribesmen used bows and arrows to fight each other, gangs hacked opponents to death and police were accused of shooting sprees.

Odinga said Tuesday that the world had come to believe Kenyans cannot hold peaceful votes.

"As we go to the referendum to decide whether the proposed constitution should be our supreme law or not, I want to appeal to our people to prove the world wrong," the prime minister said in a statement.

Kenya's police commissioner said his forces are better prepared to deal with any violence. More than 63,000 police officers will secure the referendum.

"We have adequate security forces in every division and the districts. We have standby forces to act to any eventuality that may occur," Commissioner Mathew Iteere said. "To those who will win I am appealing to them to be magnanimous in their celebration, and to the others to graciously accept the verdict and will of the people."

The draft constitution cuts down the president's enormous powers by setting up an American-style presidential system of checks and balances. Kenyan presidents have long favored their own tribesmen in the distribution of resources, a source of tension here.

Associated Press Writer Jason Straziuso contributed to this report.

Click HERE to link to this story

Kenyan leaders appeal for peace ahead of vote

2010-08-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

Kitale was very busy today but again, there was a noticeable increase in the number of police in town. No one is expecting any rioting or violence in Kitale tomorrow.

- Daniel

NAIROBI, Kenya — Leaders in Kenya are calling on the country to carry out a peaceful referendum.

Wednesday's vote is the first national ballot since postelection violence in 2007-08 left more than 1,000 people dead.

Kenyans are voting on whether to accept or reject a new constitution that would reduce the powers of the presidency. But the draft also has raised emotions over land rights, abortion and Muslim family courts.

Police officials said Tuesday they are better prepared to deal with any post-vote violence than during the 2007-08 violence.

President Mwai Kibaki asked his countrymen Tuesday to embrace one another as brothers and sisters after the vote.

Politicians and analysts predict that the referendum will be largely peaceful.

Click HERE for the link to this article

It’s all systems go for Kenya's referendum

2010-08-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

Kenya is ready and raring to go for Wednesday’s vote on the proposed constitution Voters, security agencies and the electoral commission were all set for the big day Monday.

Nearly 70,000 police officers have been sent to different parts of the country to guard voting centres and make sure the people are safe during and after the poll.

Police have also set up 10 hotlines for people to report any security threats. Up to 63,000 personnel from regular, administration and special police officers will provide security during the referendum.

This is taken from the Daily Nation, August 3, 2010.

Keeping checking this blog for any updates.

Notice to U.S. Citizens and Missionaries living in the Kitale area

2010-08-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

As the U.S. Embassy Warden for Kitale and Trans-Nzoia Distinct, I will be keeping everyone updated on any urgent information regarding safety and the referendum vote coming up on the August 4^th. If you are a U.S. Citizen in Kenya and haven’t registered with the Embassy, please following this link https://travelregistration.state.gov/ibrs.

I have been on the phone with the U.S. Embassy today as well as talking to local people who are “in the know” in Kitale area, and no one is expecting any problems. There was a noticeable increase of police in Kitale today.

If you need my phone numbers, please e-mail me at Daniel@transformedinternatinal.org

I will be posting updates on my blogspot from tomorrow until the weekend. I will post relevant news articles and updates from around the country and especially in Kitale. www.dlipparelli.blogspot.com

Regards,

Daniel Lipparelli

Volunteer Warden for Trans-Nzoia District.

Only In Africa

2010-07-22T08:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my camera on my phone, I’ve been able to capture some moments that would most likely only be seen in Africa. Funny enough, I don’t really notice these things anymore as they have become a normal part of my surrounding. It isn’t until someone new says “Oh My GOSH, LOOK AT THAT!!” after asking them “WHAT? WHAT?” a few times then I see the odd scene in front of us...

I've never seen something a small pickup truck can't take. On Tuesday we took 25 bags of cement and this 5000 leter water tank to the Veronica home. If the tank was any bigger, the truck would have been able to park inside of it.

Mark and Derick hired a taxi to take their chickens to town.

We were driving home one day and met this taxi on our street.

Moving day, The guy on top was tying some ropes as they were going down the road at 50mph..

I’m bummed out that this picture wasn’t clearer, the sun wasn’t up yet so the lighting wasn’t good. Our hired van hit a pothole so hard on our way from Kitale to Eldoret that the tire just blew. The driver looked for a rock to put under the back tire while he changed the flat one. He couldn’t find any rocks so he used a corn cob. Oh ya, this is Africa…

Is Our American Culture Self Centered?

2010-07-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

I recently posted a blog where I made the following statement;

“I say that like my own culture is perfect, we aren’t. It would take even more patience for a Kenyan to put up with our American, self centered, society…”

Seemingly, my statement about America being a self centered society pushed an anonymous reader’s buttons. He made a few points in his comment;

I disagree with the characterization that America is a "self-centered society." We give more to others and do more for others than any other nation on earth.

No nation has ever used their wealth as benevolently as we have.

Many countries are poor because they've devolved into Godless masses.

I have never seen a Kenyan missionary in the US. Yet we have many citizens there and all over the world.

This anonymous reader had a few other comments, but I thought these were note worthy and deserving on its own blog.

Let me make one thing clear before I continue, I am an American and proud of it, and any comments I make about Americans, I too fall under my own criticism. I am by no means even remotely close to perfection and maybe my perpetual imperfection leads me to believe that generally as Americans, we are self centered, not all, but the majority. Even after being in Africa, working with the poor for over six years, I still struggle with my own self centeredness and feelings of entitlement.

Allow me to address the reader’s statements. First the reader points out that the U.S. gives more to others and does more for others than any other nation on earth.

The following quotes come from a report in April of this year from the Foreign Aid for Development Assistance (1)

In 1970, the world’s rich countries agreed to give 0.7% of their gross national income as official international development aid, annually. Since that time, despite billions given each year, rich nations have rarely met their actual promised targets. For example, the US is often the largest donor in dollar terms, but ranks amongst the lowest in terms of meeting the stated 0.7% target.

USA’s aid, in terms of percentage of their GNP has almost always been lower than any other industrialized nation in the world, though paradoxically since 2000, their dollar amount has been the highest.

While the amount of aid from some countries such as the US might look very generous in sheer dollar terms (ignoring the percentage issue for the moment), the World Bank also pointed out that at the World Economic Forum in New York, February 2002, “[US Senator Patrick] Leahy noted that two-thirds of US government aid goes to only two countries: Israel and Egypt. Much of the remaining third is used to promote US exports or to fight a war against drugs that could only be won by tackling drug abuse in the United States.”

"The United States was once the dominant provider of official development assistance to poorer countries, but by the early 1990s it provided only about one-sixth of the global total. In fact, by 1995 the U.S. contribution had slipped to about one-eighth of the world total, or $7.3 billion out of $59 billion (in then-year or nominal dollars).

The United States makes out less well if one considers its aid as a percentage of gross domestic product (GDP)> By this index, it has been the least generous official provider of aid within the OECD. In 1995 the United States devoted only about 0.10 percent of its GDP to official development assistance, while all OECD providers as a whole averaged 0.27 percent. Japan provides by far the most aid of any country, an amount that exceeded $14 billion or roughly one -fourth of the global total in 1995. Even allowing for the fact that much of its aid is given in the form of concessional loans, the grant equivalent value of its aid was roughly $12 billion, by far the greatest total by this measure as well. France and Germany each provided slightly more money than the United States - though slightly less if adjustment is made for delayed payments resulting from the U/S. budget crisis." (2)

According to all the research I could find, yes, it is true that the U.S. gives more than any other nation, however, if you look at giving in accordance with the population, the U.S. is way down on the list.

I was talking to Sean about this comment and he reminded me of Rob Bell’s book “Jesus wants to save Christians.” Here are some interesting facts from the book.

America controls nearly 20 percent of the world’s wealth. (3)

There are around six billion people in the world, and there are roughly three hundred million people in the U.S. That makes America less than 5 percent of the world’s population. And this 5 percent owns a fifth of the world’s wealth. (4)

One billion people in the world do not have access to clean water, while the average American uses four hundred to six hundred liters of water a day. (5)

Every seven seconds, somewhere in the world a child under the age of five dies of hunger, (6) while Americans throw away 14 percent of the food we purchase. (7)

Nearly one billion people in the world live on less than one American dollar a day. (8)

Another 2.5 billion people in the world live on less than two American dollars a day. (9)

More than half the world lives on less than two dollars a day, while the average American teenager spend nearly $150 a week. (10)

Forty percent of people in the world lack basic sanitation, (11) while forty nine million diapers are used and thrown away in America every day. (12)

1.6 billion people in the world have no electricity. (13)

Nearly one billion people in the world cannot read or sign their names. (14)

Nearly one hundred million children are denied basic education. (15)

By far, most of the people in the world do not own a car. (16)

One-third of American families own three cars. (17)

America spend more annually on trash bags than nearly half of the world does on all goods (18)

“When many people get a glimpse of how the world really is, whether it’s through travel or study or reading statistics like the ones just cited, it can quickly lead to guilt. We have so much, while others have so little. Guilt is not helpful, honestly is helpful, awareness is helpful, knowledge is helpful. Guilt isn’t. (19)

What I understand from these statistics is that America is a “blessed” country but we don’t know how to use the resources that were given to us.

The reader went on to make another interesting statement; “Many countries are poor because they've devolved into Godless masses.” Everything in me says not to touch this statement with a ten-foot-pole, yet I can’t help it. I don’t know how one would define “Godless masses,” but I would sure think that much of our American culture would fit into this. I wonder how you could look at a Kenyan child who is on her death bed, dieing from AIDs that was passed along to her by her mother, and tell this child, as she struggles to breathe, that she couldn’t get medical care because her country was a Godless mass.

I want to be angry by this statement, but I think mercy will go a lot further. We can’t accomplish anything by blaming a nations suffering on “Godless masses.”

The last statement the reader made that I want to address “I have never seen a Kenyan missionary in the US. Yet we have many citizens there and all over the world.”

I personally know many Kenyans who have gone to the U.S. to teach and preach. But the main reason more aren’t there is because they can’t afford it. They come from a country where the average daily wage is $1. In the U.S. the average daily wage is $156. This means the American has a much greater opportunity to travel.

Now, I still stand by my statement that I think Americans, as a culture, is self centered. After living in a society where people are focused on self and family preservation, living from meal to meal, it has drastically changed my outlook of the person I used to be, pursing a life for myself, trying to achieve self gratification and self satisfaction.

- Daniel

(1) http://www.globalissues.org/article/35/foreign-aid-development-assistance

(2) http://www.moyak.com/papers/foreign-aid-overseas.html

(3) CIA World Factbook

(4) International Database for the U.S. Census Bureau, 2008

(5) UNICEF, Progress for Children 2007

(6) UNICEF, Progress for Children, 2007

(7) Timothy W. Jones, “Using Contemporary Archaeology and Applied Anthropology to Understand Food Loss in the American Food System,” 2004

(8) World Bank, World Development Indicators, 2007

(9) World Bank, World Development Indicators, 2007

(10) Mintel Consumer, Media and Marketing Research, 2004

(11) UNICEF, Progress for Children, 2007

(12) Solving the Diaper Dilemma, Real Money, January 2003

(13) UNESCO Institute for Statistics, 2002

(14) UNICEF, Progress for Children, 2007

(15) Common Ground Magazine, June 2005

(16) Experian Automotive, February 2008

(17) Oliver James, Affluenza, 2007

(18) Shankar Vedantam, Washington Post December 2004

(19) “Jesus wants to Save Christians” by Rob Bell and Don Golden

Kenya falls in ‘Failed State Index’ rankings

2010-06-23T22:08:00.000-07:00

From Todays Daily Nation

By KEVIN J. KELLEY in New York
Posted Wednesday, June 23 2010 at 22:30

Kenya’s standing in a “Failed State Index” compiled by US researchers has fallen for the fourth consecutive year, with the country now ranked 13th among 20 states in a “critical condition”.

Kenya is said to be in greater danger of collapse than North Korea or Iran in the annual stability ranking of 177 countries. The index is the product of Foreign Policy magazine and the Fund for Peace, a Washington-based NGO.

An accompanying list of “the world’s worst dictators” includes the leaders of several countries that are given higher grades than Kenya.

They include Uganda’s President Yoweri Museveni, Rwanda’s Paul Kagame, Isaias Afewerki of Eritrea and Ethiopia’s Prime Minister Meles Zenawi.

Kenya’s listing in the index issued on Monday will present new headaches for the country’s diplomats and its lobbying team in Washington, who have been working to dispel impressions of Kenya as a corrupt and violent society.

But Kenya does have a vibrant civil society and a free press, so why is it ranked so poorly? A senior associate at the Fund for Peace, Mr Will Ferroggiaro, defended the rating.

He told the Daily Nation that Kenya scored worst with regard to “demographic pressures” and “delegitimisation of the state”, two of the 12 ranking criteria that are, in turn, based on what the index’s researchers say are 90,000 public sources.

Factionalism

The demographic criterion includes Kenya’s high rate of poverty, while delegitimisation refers to “extreme factionalism” among political parties and “heavy group grievances,” Mr Ferroggiaro said.

“These are very high pressures that should serve as a warning to Kenya,” he added. Kenya fell one notch this year from 14th place in the 2009 index. It was ranked 26th in 2008 and 31st in 2007.

http://www.nation.co.ke/News/Kenya%20falls%20in%20Failed%20State%20Index%20rankings/-/1056/945310/-/93goulz/-/index.html

Get your bag off my lap…

2010-06-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

I remember family road trips as a kid, sitting in the back seat next to my brother Luke for what seemed like days on end, and we would argue nonstop. I would start the trip out by putting a line on the seat between us with a strip of masking tape and then I would tell him that I would punch him if he crossed the line. So the trip was spent with him trying to cross the line without me seeing and getting back before I could hit whatever part of his body was over the line.

I don’t know how our parents put up with us.

I was reminded of my immature ways as a kid last week when I was traveling to Nairobi in the back seat of a van full of Kenyans I didn’t know. The two guys in the back seat with me knew each other but for some reason, the guy in the middle chose to snuggle up with me rather than his friend. I mean, the back seat was small, but not that small. I wanted to get some tape out and draw a line and tell him that I was going to punch him if he crossed over to my side. If I would have done that, I think the guy would have been a bloody mess by the end of the trip, because he couldn’t seem to stay in his own area. At one point he was so up in my grill that I seriously wondered if he was trying to pick my pocket.

“Hey man, you want to pay for half my seat because you sure act like you own it!” I wish I would have said that… I only thought it.

In the last part of the trip I lost it. Most of his two foot bag was on my lap. This time I did speak and asked him to kindly remove his bag from my lap.

“Oh, oh, sorry!” he said as if he didn’t realize that the 20 pound lump on his lap was, well, gone.

I’ve learned it is a common theme in this culture to have no respect for other people’s space.

I can’t tell you how many time’s I’ve almost clocked someone for literally stepping on my heals in the bank line. In fact, it is an odd day when someone doesn’t step on my heals.

I am thankful for the raining season because it gives me a reason to carry an umbrella in the bank line which, when held at my side, precariously protrudes out just far enough so when the next guy decides to invade my invisible bubble, he is met with a slight discomfort in the groin.

Before I came to Kenya I didn’t like physical touch and couldn’t stand people being too close to me. Two things I had to get over if I stood a chance of surviving, at least to live among the culture.

I realized that I couldn’t change an entire culture; I myself had to make the change. But change to what? Being rude, stepping on people’s toes or allowing my body weight to sag someone down in the back of a van? Not being like them, but in patience, living among them.

I say that like my own culture is perfect, we aren’t. It would take even more patience for a Kenyan to put up with our American, self centered, society.

“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another and forgiving each other…” (Col. 3:12-13 NASB)

Patience is something that I don’t think I really understood until I moved to Kenya. It is now a tool of pure survival and a deep expression of love. I will be patient with you because I love you, because I want to put your needs before mine, because I don’t want to punch you for stepping on my heals for the 50^th time.

As a child I didn’t know the meaning of patience, that’s why I drew my masking tape line on the car seat. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours in yours. But now that I am a man, I’m also trying to act like one.

You Don’t Want To Know My Motive…

2010-06-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

I realized that I’m a workaholic. Although its ministry I do, there is still a lot of work and it’s never too far from my mind.

I sent out a prayer request e-mail to those close to me last week and received multiple responses telling me that I don’t do a very good job of caring for myself. Someone told me I needed a vacation even though I had only been back from vacation for a week. I laughed to myself wondering if my mom had gotten to them all, the next e-mail I opened was from my mom telling me to take better care of myself.

If I don’t learn how to relax more and work less now, I will make a pretty crappy husband and father.

I wonder if we are ever really ready for marriage… Do we ever have all our garbage picked up and are we ever really mature?

I have friends who have become fathers at 20 and other’s at 30; they all seem to have the same response;

“What the heck am I doing?”

I don’t know if we will ever be ready for anything life has to offer, we just have to do it.

I was approached by a very attractive young Kenyan lady in a supermarket in Mombasa. Without hesitation she came up to me and very boldly asked:

“What is your name?”

“What?” I said as I looked up from the large selection of chips.

“What is your name?” She asked again.

I quickly clued in that I was in the prostitute capital of Kenya where white men come from all over the world for a week of lustful pleasures.

“You have a motive for asking me my name?” I responded.

“Yes, I have a motive, but you don’t want to know it.”

I already knew.

I forgot about getting a bag of chips and quickly found the rest of the group a few isles over.

The incident got me thinking about my motives for the things I do, sure we know our own motives, even if we don’t admit it to ourselves.

I started thinking about why I work so much, it could be that the work brings me self-satisfaction or gives me purpose. Or, maybe it keeps me from thinking of things that I’m avoiding.

I wonder what it would look like if we started asking each other our motive for each action or the different things we say. Or ,what if we asked ourselves why we were doing something.

As the girl in the supermarket said, “You don’t want to know my motive.”

Living a Story

2010-05-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I go so long in between blogs but I guess if I don’t live crazy adventures and walk new paths, I would never have anything to blog about.

The last six months was one of the toughest seasons of ministry I’ve passed through. I feel like I have learned years of lessons in only a few months. But all in all, the Lord has been overly kind to TI, to our team and the people we serve.

I had the privilege of a week long vacation in Mombasa a few weeks ago. On the 17 hour bus trip there, I had a lot of time to read. I demolished Donald Miller’s book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years in about two days. Donald is one of my favorite authors. His writing is so real.

The premise of this book is about living a story, not just living for the sake of living, but doing things that are meaningful, making lasting memories, stepping out of the norm.

Although I’m living in Africa, I feel that I live my life cautiously.

On our first evening on the coast, one of the resort staff was telling us that the reef, off the shore, was about seven miles out and it could be reached during the low tide. Thinking that there was no way it was seven miles; we decided to explore it the following day.

At about 10:00am, the tide appeared low enough and we could see fishermen walking from the shore through the shallow water to the reef “seven miles out.” Considering that it took them about 40 minutes to walk out there, I guessed it wasn’t seven miles. Todd, with all of his Montana Mountain Man skills, lead the way. In the first steps off the sandy beach our feet and sandals sank deep into the muck. There is no other way to describe it other than gray and gross. It reminded me of the mud in the murky lake at Boy Scout camp, when I was a kid. Todd quickly dug his sandals out of the mud and forged ahead, in bare feet. I knew that if I did that, I would be the one that would step on a broken shell and slash myself and spend the rest of my vacation nursing my infected foot.

After only minutes into the adventure, I stood there debating turning back. Todd was far off in the distance by now and Jared was close behind. I stood wondering why I had stopped. Then I thought of Donald’s book, that I had just finished. “This is my chance to have a story for the day.” I dug out my sandals and forged on.

We were warned that there were see urchins in the water and not to step on them. The little black landmines seemed to appear everywhere under the water. Once again the vision flashed before me of me lying on my bed with my foot propped up and puss coming out of a wound. Everything in me told me to turn back but I wanted a story, an adventure.

We finally reached the coral reef after an hour of dodging the urchin landmine. It was maybe a mile, but clearly not seven.

I wanted to find that staff member later and take him for a walk so he can see what seven miles really is.

We spent a few hours on the reef and found a pool of warm water to swim in. It was filled with little fish and other creatures.

Later that night I sat on the deck overlooking the ocean enjoying some Sherlock’s Choice, I felt accomplished, I lived a story for that day and despite the sunburn, it was worth it. I began to wonder how many adventures I’ve missed out on because of the unknown, because I feared getting hurt.

I think we live our lives with too much caution and miss out on a lot of great things. Especially us as men, we have so quickly forgotten or were never taught what it means to be a man, to live a story, to make a memory.

I was talking to a friend last month and he was telling me about a girl he liked. But the problem was that she talked too much, then he met another girl he liked but she didn’t talk at all. “If I don’t ask her questions, we just sit there and stare at each other.” He was bored of spending time with her. Later, he was out to dinner with a friend and struck up a conversation with one of the waitresses. Before he left, he asked for her number and a few weeks later they met up for dinner. Knowing this guy for a few years, he would be the last person to do this, but in my opinion, he manned up, he decided to live a story, whether it worked out or not, he was living a story. I admired that in him…. I wanted to live my own story.

I decided that I was ready to start pursuing a girl, I didn’t know which one, but I was ready. I remembered a young woman from a few years back that I was attracted to, but it wasn’t the right time then. I decided to e-mail her and to see where things would go. Maybe it is the right time, now.

We e-mailed back and forth for a few weeks but nothing came of it. I was still proud of myself for stepping out of my box to see if anything would happen. Disappointment can be easily overcome with a hope of something better. I know that a hope deferred makes the heart sick, so I keep my hopes vague, but still hold fast to the assurance that the Lord has an amazing plan.

Life is so short and there are so many stories that need to be lived and need to be told. I refuse to be someone who lets those stories pass by and not be lived.

The Day In Pictures

2010-03-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

Here’s to Being 30 and Single (part 2)

2010-03-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

I’ve learned over the years what I need in a wife; the character qualities needed to balance me out, in my quirkiness. Knowing these things has allowed me to asses my motives with each attractive single Christian girl who crosses my path… or facebook wall.

The fact that I’m not desperate and totally content if I spend the rest of my life single helps too. Don’t get me wrong, I have a huge desire to get married and have a family, but I also know that ministry will take a back seat to a wife and children when that time comes. Paul says it well in 1 Corinthians 7;

I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; But one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided…

Oh, could we have the best of both worlds? I don’t think so. So knowing this, I deeply enjoy every day that I’m single and I get to be concerned about the things of the Lord. And when the time comes to have a wife, I will enjoy every day that I get to spend the rest of my life with her… and the Lord.

I know people get discouraged with their singleness, I know because I was there and at times, still am. But I don’t think we see the blessing of our singleness and how we can use that time to build up other people, to invest in other people, to be the body of Christ, rather then thinking “poor me” and chasing every beautiful girl that walks through the church doors on Sunday… Or the Kitale Coffee Shop, in my case.

Some of the most successful marriages I’ve seen, the men were over 30 when they got married. These are men I deeply respect and marriages I love to watch.

We get in a hurry to get married only to realize later on that we wish we would have waited a bit longer. I always wonder what the rush is; we have the rest of our life. And if we are in a hurry, just because we want to have sex, than we have a totally distorted perspective of what marriage is about.

If there is nothing greater than knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, then why do I wallow in the sorrow and self pity of my singleness? The point of this blog is to encourage people that it is OK to be single, in fact, more than OK, because it gives us time to work on our relationship with people and with God. I’ve learned over the years that the two most important things to me are my relationship with God and my relationship with others; not ministry, not marriage, not money, not popularity, not personal gain…

I’ve also learned a few other things:

You have to be the kind of person you want to attract.

You will never figure out who you are through a dating relationship with another person who has no idea who they are.

If he or she doesn’t seem interested, they most likely aren’t, move on.

If God tells you that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with someone, make sure they know your name before you tell them the big news.

Guys, if she dumps you, life goes on, don’t waste seven years of your life hoping that things will work out.

Parents know a lot more than we give them credit for.

If all of your friends tell you that the person you are after is not the one for you, listen to them. They know you better than you think.

Slow is always better. I still can’t think of a single reason to rush a relationship.

Some of the best words I’ve heard are “Men, treat every girl in your life as you would want someone to treat your future wife, because the odds are that you are not going to marry this one. And women, treat every guy in your life as you would want someone treating your future husband.” Ask yourself, “Do I want someone making out with my future husband”? I don’t think I would appreciate it…

Don’t settle for something less, God’s best is out there and His timing is perfect.

Don’t allow people to give you a hard time about being single, especially mothers and grandmothers.

Get a life. Mature people don’t want to date someone without a life or who makes them their life.

Chase your adventure first and then find someone who is on the same adventure.

Physical attractiveness in important, but inward beauty and Godliness prevails. You want to know the person on your arm is hot, yet at the same time you want to know that their heart is solid and that they are sold out, at least as much as you are, for the Lord.

I can’t remember the rest of my conversation with Scott. I’m sure I spilled my guts about some girl I had a little crush on or something. But we continued in a great conversation about relationships, a conversation that sparked my desire to write this blog.

Humor aside, I know that a lot of single people struggle with being single, wondering what their problem is or thinking that childhood issues will be mended by a dating relationship. I am turning the comments on, for this blog, for a week to give people a chance to throw in their two cents worth.

Oh, don’t go search Google for my online wife application, it was a joke.

Here’s to Being 30 and Single (part 1 of 2)

2010-03-22T07:05:00.000-07:00

The title of this blog is not an advertisement, so single women; please don’t start sending me e-mails, facebook messages or filling out my online wife application until you have finished reading the blog... both parts...

I started working on this blog a few weeks ago, before my 30^th birthday, but never got it finished. Well, to be honest, I never got past the first few lines. But now I’m back to it, a week past my 30^th birthday.

After a year of mourning, I have finally come to grips with the fact that I’m 30 years old. I remember when my mom turned 30. She was married to my dad for nine years, had two kids and was a year away from having her third.

In my latter teen years, I had my life planned… thinking that my dad was so old when he got married, I told myself that I would never be single as long as he was before he got married. He was 26 when he married my mom and 27 when I was born. You don’t need to do math the see that my dad was four years younger than I am now when he got married.

You may think by the tone of this blog so far that I’m overly depressed that I’m an old man without a hot babe to call my wife. But don’t be fooled, that’s not the case at all.

In fact, the older I get the more I enjoy being single.

Scott and I were sitting outside in the dark night talking a few weeks ago. It was dark because the power was out again, nothing out of the normal for Kenya.

“Do you every wish you had a girlfriend?” Scott asked me.

I didn’t have to think about my response.

“Heck yes!” I said while rolling my eyes. He couldn’t see my eyes roll because the power was out.

What a crazy question to ask a single guy. Of course I wish I had a girlfriend.

But I went on to tell Scott that I find, in most cases, where I long for a girlfriend is when I’m feeling lonely. I forget past experiences where having a girlfriend surely didn’t fill any loneliness in my life.

Last year, when I was in Reno for a few months, I was sitting at Starbucks with my friend Hope. We were having a nice conversation over a cup of coffee until she got quiet and asked me if she could be really open with me. “For sure you can” I told her, not knowing the beating I was about to get. Hope spoke some hard reality into my life. She told me that I had terrible boundaries with the women who came into my life and that I unknowingly led girls on. What a harsh truth to be exposed at 29 years old. Giving up my witty charm and listening ear seemed like giving up any last hope of finding a girlfriend and getting married. It took me months to process and implement her words.

It wasn’t until last week that I shared with Hope about how much the truth she spoke meant to me and how drastically it changed the way I related to the single women in my life. No matter how old we get and how much we think we know we still have so much to learn and so much growing to do.

Being in Kenya full time, I don’t meet many single young women, at least not ones who stay here for more than a few weeks or a month. So finding a life partner seems impossible most days.

Leading up to my 30^th birthday, as in the last two months, it seemed like something just changed in my life. It was as if the single 28 to 34 year old women noticed me. They were women I’ve never met before who found me in Kenya or through facebook and, well, I had stalkers. I was scared a few times and cringed when I loaded facebook in the morning only to find another message from one of these girls, even though I didn’t respond to the last three messages from her.

“What happened?” you may be wondering, “why wasn’t I interested?” I’ll tell you what happened. At 30, I’ve learned what it means to be the pursuer, the one who goes after the girl, the man who likes the battle of winning her heart. But for some reason, these girls mistook me for a man with a skirt who sits idle and waits for her to come. And in the process of their pursuit, their correspondence screamed “I’m desperate!”

Wow, not for me.

Now, for a bit of history…

I’ve had three relationships in the past 12 years. Each girl was the one I thought that I could spend the rest of my life with; all three totally different than the others. I was dumped by one and it took me seven years to get over it. Guys don’t handle rejection well. Two of them are married with children now and the other is engaged. I’ve gone from “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” to “I don’t care what my parents say” relationship. I’ve traveled to different countries to meet the parents and I’ve bought a diamond ring that still sits in a dresser drawer in Reno somewhere.

No, I won’t reuse it.

I am thankful for each relationship I’ve had. Although there was a lot of pain, each one helped form who I am today and has given me so much insight into myself, both the good and the bad.

Scott's Story

2010-03-03T21:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we meet people who are so polar opposite of ourselves; they walk to a different beat, seemingly without a care in the world. And, when we get to know these people on a deeper level, we come to admire them with the kind of admiration that drives us to be more like them, if even just a little.

Scott has been that guy around the TI compound the past six months and three days. If you asked anyone who stayed in community with Scott over the past months they would remember Scott for several things and those of you reading this, who know Scott, may agree.

We don’t think Scott knows what a sunrise looks like or even what breakfast means since most of his days start after lunch. Scott doesn’t know how to tell time, a quality that made him fit in well with the Kenyan culture that also has no concept of time. Scott was known for the many times he woke people after midnight by playing his guitar and singing loudly… or watching a movie or pumping water in the wee hours of the morning.

Scott is also known for his ability to make everyone he is around feel valued and cared for. He is an amazing listener and exudes mercy. No matter how bad the situation is, he never seems to get upset or frustrated. This last quality was best illustrated on Sunday evening when Scott showed up at the International Airport in Nairobi to fly back home with Andrew and Nate. Nate and Andrew checked in with no problem but after searching Scott’s name, he was informed that he had no reservation for the flight. If it was anyone else, like me, they would have freaked out. But this is Scott we are talking about.

After hearing the whole story of how Scott didn’t have a ticket on the flight and how he battled getting a new visa because his expired, I knew I had to tell the story. So I’m here with Scott now and want him to tell this epic story from his perspective.

I got to the airport with the guys and everything was going well. We got up to the desk and the lady asked me if I had my itinerary and I said “no,” “Do you have your ticket?” again I didn’t. She sent me to another desk and the guy at the counter asked me for my name and searched his computer. After a few minutes he told me that he couldn’t guarantee me a seat on the flight.

At that point I stepped aside with my entire luggage and waited for a manager to come and talk to me. I waited from 9:30 until Midnight talking with the manger trying to figure my flight out. Finally he gave me two choices. I could either get on a waiting list and hope that 5 people didn’t show up for this flight or pay $400 and book another flight. I decided to book another flight. The only problem was that my visa expired the next day.

I asked the guy, “What the heck do I do?” By this time the flight with Nate and Drew had left.

I was sent to the immigration department in the airport and told to hurry up because the airport was closing.

Here I was, being kicked out of the airport, in Nairobi, no flight, no visa and I’m all alone.

I was instructed by the immigration guys that I needed to go the Nayo House (nyanyo) as I was pronouncing it, the next day to figure out my visa issue.

I went back to the British Air counter where I booked the soonest flight they had, 15 days later.

I took a taxi back to the City Center to the Parkside hotel and asked if they had a room available. They only had a double room.

Nate had given me his phone so I could call people to help me out. After I called Daniel I turned my phone off so I didn’t waste the battery. Just after turning it off I realized I needed to make another call so I turned it back on and was prompted to enter a PIN. I had no idea what it was.

Now, add “phoneless” to my problems…

Because I couldn’t get the phone back on I didn’t have an alarm. It was 1:00am at this point. I knew that without an alarm, there was no way that I was going to get up in the morning. My solution: stay up all night. By 5:00am I felt sick because I was so tired and knew that I couldn’t stay awake any longer. I told God that I needed Him and asked Him to wake me up in a few hours so I could check out of the room in time and go to the immigration office.

After exactly three hours I woke up frantic and thought I had overslept. I ran down stairs at the hotel and saw that it was 8:00. I thought 8:00 in the evening. After staring at the clock for a minute and looking outside I realized it was 8am. I couldn’t believe that God woke me up in time. I took my luggage downstairs and checked out of my room. Thus began my search for the immigration office.

I had no idea where it was. I was walking around town asking people where the Nyanyo House was and people just looked at me like I was stupid. I didn’t know I wasn’t saying it right. I even followed a guy trying to get him to pay attention to me and help me find the immigration office.

I talked to God again. Frustrated because time was running out to get my visa, I didn’t have a phone and no one was paying attention to me. Just then I remembered something.

The day before I met this lady named Dede. I had to go pee and went to the bathroom and there, I met an older lady reading her Bible. She worked as a coin collector at the bathroom at the Nakumat. I struck up a conversation with her and we talked for an hour about her life. I found out that she supports her orphaned grandchildren by collecting coins at the bathroom.

When I was talking to God, I realized that I could go to the bathroom and Nakumat to find her and see if she could help me out. The day before, I also met her grandson who also worked at Nakumat. I found him working and he called Dede for me. She quickly came to town, happy to help me.

I found out that this was her only day off this month and was shocked that first of all she would be willing to help me, on her day off, and second that the Lord made it possible that the one day I needed someone, she had it off.

She took me right to the immigration office and I explained to the people at the visa counter what happened. Dede was there helping me the whole time. She was greeting everyone and being so kind.

They sent me from desk to desk before I was referred to the head immigration officer. Within 5 minutes of being there, my visa was stamped for another month and I didn’t have to pay anything. I was shocked because I knew how corrupt Kenyan government offices are and also after being in Kenya for 6 months, one is not supposed to get another extension on their visa.

At this point I couldn’t believe that God pulled this off. It felt so good to have to depend totally on God.

I thanked Dede and she invited me to stay at her home with her family for the two weeks I had to wait until my flight. Once again I was taken off guard by her kindness.

I went to the internet café to send Daniel a facebook message to let him know that I was alive because I didn’t have any way to contact him. I then went to the hotel to get my luggage and went to the shuttle stage where I got a van from Nairobi to Kitale. I was going back to my Kenyan home for another two weeks.

Six hours later, at about 9:30 at night, I was back with Daniel, Stephanie and Faith in Kitale. I told Daniel that I felt like I was coming home.

Now I sit here wondering what God has in store for these next two weeks in Kenya... I’m amazed at how God took care of me.

- Scott

All Things a Loss

2010-03-02T08:08:00.000-08:00

I love how no two days in Kenya are even remotely the same.

I often think back of my life in America, before coming to Kenya, Monday morning drive to work, sit at my desk, check e-mails, plan the weeks events, staff meeting, lunch… the same thing week after week. Some people do this well, and I too did, at the time, but I didn’t realize that I was floating down the river of boredom. I don’t want to return to that.

Today I allowed myself to sleep in until 7am. Other than Sundays, that doesn’t happen often. Even in my sporadic and random world of adventures, I have to have some senblance of order.

After checking some e-mails, reading in Proverbs, a quick shower and cup of coffee, I was headed to town for my big adventure of the day… dropping off the French press I got for Jeff, at the coffee shop, checking the mail, going to the bank and picking up some popcorn for my evening viewing of last weeks episode of Amazing Race. On the motorcycle taxi ride to town, we about crashed as we hit a huge mud puddle. It had been raining all night rendering the (all dirt) roads in our area almost un-passable. Thankfully we caught the bike before we were swimming in a dark pool of “all sorts of African bacteria and diseases.

Town was filled with the normal hustle of business people and fruit sellers as well as the ever growing number of street kids with their bottles of glue to their mouth, breathing in deadly fumes with seemingly no care in the world.

This past Saturday I was in Nairobi, the capital city of Kenya, sharing one of our last meals with my brother Andrew, Nate and Stephanie before Nate and Andrew flew back to Reno after being in Kenya for six months.

We were visiting the normal, before you leave Africa heading back to reality, conversation of “what’s next?” What now, what will life hold, what am I supposed to do with my life?

I love this conversation because it marks the start of new adventures and a clear path of faith one has the chance to choose to walk.

I shared with my friend a recent revelation I had about my own life. I am almost 30 by the way, so it is time for me to have these revelations, the ah-ha moments where something actually makes sense.

I realized in the recent months that even considering all my dreams and desires and goals there is nothing more valuable to me than my relationship with God; nothing, not wealth, not commodities, not fame, nor popularity, not health or favor, not friendships or the ability to help people, nothing. And if in fact my relationship with God and knowing Him is the most valuable thing to me, than my life should (and I say should because it doesn’t) look radically different than most.

I feel like, for the first time in my short life, I am beginning to understand what it means to know God. The thought of knowing Him more thrills me as I ponder what the next 10, 20, 30 year of my life will hold in regard to my relationship with my Creator.

I memorized Paul’s words long ago, but never understood him when he said “I count all things to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ.”* WOW!

Profound, powerful, simple, yet seemingly so far from our hearts.

It is clear that to Paul, his relationship with God was the most important thing in his life.

If I live today, tomorrow and the rest of my life pursuing the heart of my Father, then whatever I do in life is only for that gain, for the purpose of knowing Him and being a servant. No adversity or trials can shake me nor sway me from seeking to know my Father more.

To consider all things a loss for the sake of knowing Christ is to gain life.

* Philippians 3:8 (NASB)

Rare Prayers to bring back dead pastors

2010-02-25T05:07:00.000-08:00

This is for those who wonder why I have a hard time going to a Kenyan church on Sundays...Click on the picture to read the article.

His People Radio Interview

2010-02-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

Loss

2010-02-23T10:59:00.000-08:00

I don’t understand death and I don’t pretend to. I don’t know how to grieve and don’t understand how my perceived strength caused more damage to my fragile soul.

I was having lunch with some friends last week when I got a call from my mom telling me that my grandmother has passed away. She wanted to talk about it, I didn’t, and I didn’t want to start sobbing at the Boulevard over my plate of chicken and fries.

I got home a few hours later and called my mom back. I lasted a few minutes before I was broken and sobbing, my head resting on the desk. I didn’t cry again for four days. Every time I felt myself getting emotional, I “manned up” and kept it in. I was thankful that the people around me didn’t ask how I was doing because that would have been the end of my soberness.

Andrew, my brother, asked me how I was doing and I told him not good but that I was keeping it in. Totally not the right thing to do, I know. He told me that when I was ready to grieve, that I needed to find him so I wouldn’t be crying alone.

I couldn’t sleep for four nights. I found myself either laying awake until 3:00am or up from 2:30 until 4:00am, depressed. Saturday was the worse; I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I did, I put on my happy face and masked my pain from the people around me, not just any people, but ones who I know loved me.

I had told my friend Jonathan that I was going to take Sunday as a day to process through things. I did and I cried for over an hour. Alone at first, but I knew that Andrew would be mad if he knew I didn’t get him and I knew I would be mad at myself. The only thing worse than grieving is grieving alone. We weren’t made to do that.

Andrew was amazing with me. He is 20, but way more mature than I am. He knew the right things to say, the questions to ask, when to be silent.

A half roll of tissue later and I felt a bit better.

I’m not mad at God, though I don’t understand His ways. I’ve not been able to talk to him in five days. I don’t know why. I just don’t feel like it. My Bible stares at me from my desk, not long ago an object of my obsession, now collecting dust. I tried to read it this morning but there was no passion.

Yesterday, Monday the pain added as Nate, Andrew and Scott left after being in Kenya for six months.

Nate, 20years old, with wisdom of an old man, spent the last six months investing in me, being a true friend, allowing me to be real with him, showing me that it is o.k. to be real, inspiring me by his own walk with God.

Scott, 18 years old, with the most amazing heart that I’ve ever seen in a young man. He cares more than any 10 people, put together. His words heal those around him and after thinking about it, I realized there is not a single thing I don’t like about Scott. His compassion displays what a real man is. Scott is a real man. I want to be more like him.

Andrew is more than a brother, a best friend. Everyday I wish I could be more like him, always putting other people before himself, always concerned with the state of the heart of those around, always a man ready for battle yet ready to hug.

Three of some of the most amazing men I’ve known, who I’ve had the honor to walk beside and learn from for six months, all left my Kenya world yesterday, and once again I’m grieving.

I have spent much of today thinking about the joys of the coming days, weeks and months, and yet, not forgetting the joys and sorrows of past few days.

I’m not by any means falling away from God and I know He knows my heart, my pain, my loss. And most of the time, I feel fulfilled by His presence, as if my father was sitting beside me hugging me, neither one of us saying anything.

I have been obsessed this week by a song on a CD Jessica sent me a few weeks ago: “I Love Your Presence.”

In the glory of Your presence, I find rest for my soul, In the depths of Your love, I find peace, make me whole. I love, I love, I love Your presence.

This song has carried me through this week, my connection with God, my escape into His arms.

I love you Jesus, I love your presence….

Clearing the Fog

2010-02-07T07:44:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed my month of blogging. In a way, it was therapeutic. I loved having an outlet to express how I was feeling and what I was going through.

I’ve been overwhelmed this past week by life. It seems that the coming days, weeks and months are going to bring some tough decision and choices in the work of TI, all for the betterment of course, but hard nonetheless. I don’t mind change as long as it is controllable. But I don’t like the unknown because I can’t direct the progression of the situation. I’m forced to have faith.

Yesterday, my mind was in a fog for a good part of the day. I couldn’t seem to pull out of my slump. Most of the people around me didn’t know. I masked it with music playing through my headphones as we headed to the children’s home for the day.

My question, ‘how am I going to make everything happen?’

I read Exodus 3 this morning. Moses was pasturing the flock and saw the burning bush. He walks over to the bush and God starts speaking to him. God tells Moses that He wants him to go back to Egypt, face Pharaoh and rescue the Israelites. Moses, in all his humility says “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and that I should bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt?”

I sympathized with him, the fear of the unknown, wondering, “why me, out of all the people in this world, is there not another person who can do this better, someone who can better be used by God?” In fact, as I’ve been overwhelmed this week, I’ve been asking God the same question; “who am I that I should go?”

I love God’s response to Moses’ question, His same response to mine “I will be with you, and this shall be a sign to you that it is I who has sent you.”

I wanted to smack myself as I read this. What was I thinking? Really, that God would send me to do a task and then leave me to fend for myself. My simple mind so easily forgets how much my God loves me and cares about even the smallest areas of my life.

I had a radio interview over the phone last week and it brought on some joking in our community, one of the guys commented; “wow, I get to have dinner with the International Director of TI tonight.” Honestly some people do put me on a pedestal and for some reason, think highly of me. If only they knew how I struggle daily in my faith, pondering the idea of leaving Kenya and returning to a “normal” life I could have in America. How tempting it is many days.

But I remind myself that I am but a servant, nothing more, and God is my boss, giving the daily directive. As long as I’m walking in obedience to Him, whether things go well or not, His will is going to be done.

The fog has lifted and my faith grows ever so slightly, but it is growth and I thank God for His concern and love for me, and despite the many tough days where my insufficiencies and insecurities fight to take over, I am thankful and honored that He has allowed me to be a servant.

Thief at the Monkey Park

2010-01-31T09:37:00.000-08:00

Last week while in Nairobi I took Matt and Kaylen to the Nairobi City Park to play with the monkeys.

This was their last day in Kenya before their noon flight the following day. They went on a half day safari on the morning, we had a nice lunch and the park was the last think on our agenda for the afternoon.

We got to the park, I bought some peanuts and we had a great time getting the monkey to sit on our shoulders while we fed them. After two hours I was about ready to go. We were on our last few peanuts as we sat in a secluded corner of the park in a forest of trees surrounded us.

Suddenly we felt something pass between Kaylen and I. We turned to see a Kenyan guy running away with her purse that was resting behind her on the bench. Without thinking, Matt and I took off after the guy. I didn’t make it far before tripping on my sandals. I was so mad that I had changed out of my shoes just a few hours before. Matt kept running. He was getting close to the guy before he tripped while trying to jump over a water way. He jumped back up and continued the chase.

I ran back to Kaylen and we headed off in a different direction in hopes of flanking the guy. We jogged as quickly as we could in our loose footwear. We caught up with Matt. He was standing in the midst of bushes.

“He stopped running around here. I think he is in the bushes” he said.

Not knowing if the guy had some kind of weapon, I armed myself with a big rock. Matt kept watch from a hill while I searched the bushes. I didn’t find him.

A half dozen men ran up to us armed with stones and sticks. They asked us what had happened and after giving a description of the guy, they took off in different directions to look for him.

“What was in your purse?” I asked Kaylen.

“A lot of money, my ATM cards, cell phone and passport.”

My heart sank. She wasn’t going to be able to get out of the country the following day without a passport. I was thankful to have the US Embassy on speed dial. They told me that it was possible to get a new passport the following day, but it was very unlikely that we could get it in time before they needed to be at the airport.

Getting a new passport would require a police report, passport pictures and $100.

The man gathered back where we were standing, unsuccessful in their pursuit of the thief. We were so discouraged.

We asked them where the police station was so we could make a report and the paperwork we needed for a new passport. They told us that it wasn’t far, just around the corner. We took off on foot. Just around the corner meant 2 miles and a 45 minute walk. As we approached the police station, my imagination took over and I was overwhelmed with the fear that they were going to want bribes from us.

“God, please let this go smooth…” I said quietly.

Much to my surprise 5 minutes later and no bribes, we had all the paperwork that we needed.

As we got out of the police station Kaylen perked up “you know what guys, I took some money out of my purse before I left and put it on my bed. I don’t remember taking anything else out, but there is a chance that I might have taken my passport out too. I don’t remember it, but you never know.”

I hoped, I prayed ‘God, even if she didn’t take it out, please give us a miracle and let her passport be on the bed.

We boarded a matatu back to town.

After getting out I noticed Matt was limping. “You ok man?” I asked.

He lifted up his shorts and revealed a nasty gash on his knee. He also thought that he sprained his ankle and thumb.

I was so impressed with him. His manliness showed the moment he took off after the guy. A lot of guys wouldn’t have done that. He rose up and met the challenge. That spoke a lot to me about his character.

Kaylen too showed her level of faith, she wasn’t upset, she wasn’t angry.

We got to the hotel and walked to Kaylen’s room in silence. She unlocked the door and walked in. Matt and I followed. I look of shocked came over her face as she lifted up her money, ATM cards and passport.

At that moment I was overcome with emotion, tears filled my eyes as we thanked the Lord for His faithfulness and protection.

Even if that passport didn’t appear, the Lord knew what was going to happen and prompted Kaylen to take it out of her bag before leaving.

“In 6 weeks in Kenya, I’ve not taken my passport out of my purse once.” She said, “Why would I take it out only today?”

We all knew the answer.

The following morning we sat waiting for our breakfast to be served. I prayed before we ate, “Thank you Lord that we are here eating food and not at the Embassy trying to get a new passport.”

The Lord’s love for us that day amazed me. I’m still amazed.

Taxi

2010-01-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

I need a full day to sit down and recount the stories from the past few days in Nairobi. It has been God doing one amazing thing after another and me standing with my mouth wide open in awe. These stories will come as soon as I have more than 5 minutes to sit down and type.

I’m not a huge fan of Nairobi because it is just like being back in a big American city, the cars, people rushing, guys in their holey jeans and t-shirts, girls dressed to attract, big building and expensive food.

Every time I walk out of the hotel a mob of people rush me. “Taxi?” they ask over and over again. It seems like I’ve spent most of my time in the city telling people that I don’t want a taxi.

Then I was struck with a thought today; when I did need a taxi, I knew right where it was and before anyone could ask me if I needed a taxi, I had already loaded my luggage up and negotiated my price.

But what are people thinking when I’m walking, not looking at them and just as I pass they yell “TAXI” in my ear? Did I have my “I need a taxi” face on?

“Oh thank you kind taxi driver. I was walking the streets of the city looking for a taxi when I got distracted by the girl dressed to attract and forgot that I was looking for a taxi until just now when you YELLED in my ear. Thank you because I couldn’t see the yellow stripe on the side of your car and the little wooden sign on top. Thank you kind taxi driver.”

No I don’t want a taxi, that is why I just walked past a row of a hundred other guys by their taxies and didn’t get in.

I further thought about this as I was walking to meet a friend for lunch, does God not try to get our attention throughout the day, “Here I am, spend time with me.” But we pass by, not noticing the signs that the Creator of all things wants to spend some time with us, time with me. It’s not until He yells in my ear as I’m passing by that I remember to slow down and talk with Him.

I did slow down at that moment and invited Jesus to walk by my side. He was already there, but I forgot, as I normally do.

“I’m sorry Jesus, I’m sorry that I rush around and forget that you are here too and that you want to be a part of everything I do. I’m sorry that most of the time I put so many things before you.”

Jesus and I had a good talk as we walked to meet our friend for lunch.

We passed by another taxi driver, “You need a taxi?” he asked. I shook my head and chuckled.

Only in Kenya

2010-01-27T07:26:00.000-08:00

This was in our Hotel in Nairobi.

Still in Africa

2010-01-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

This is Africa where people’s houses get burglarized and people get robbed in daylight.

Our girl’s project was robbed on Saturday.

A few guys cut a hole in the fence and came in with toy guns (At least we think they were toys) and told the girls to get down while they searched the house for money and phones. Interestingly enough, they knew right where the house mom keeps the money and her phone. Yet she had left earlier in the day, with both. They ended up getting away with one sewing machine.

As soon as they left, the girls ran outside and started screaming to attract the neighbors. The people around came running, but it was too late. The robbers had disappeared into the forest.

The girls are ok, though a bit scared.

There is a feeling of violation but also an increase in faith, knowing that God hasn’t removed His covering and He has a reason for everything.

Yes, I’m in Africa,

2010-01-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

where it is really easy to get sick, seemingly often. I was up most of the night vomiting, something I’ve done only three times in six years. I finally threw myself out of bed three hours after my alarm first went off. I had to get up for our weekly staff meeting.

I pulled myself together and gathered enough strength to conduct the meeting. After the meeting, I headed to town to get a malaria test.

Either I had malaria or ate something bad considering no one else in the house was sick, malaria made sense.

I went to an expensive clinic where it cost about $1.50 for a test.

I peered through the door and saw a two hour line. No way was I going to wait that long. I headed over to the pharmacy where a doctor’s prescription isn’t needed and I paid $5 for some malaria medication. Just to be on the safe side.

I’ve been in bed since I got home around noon. I’m good as long as I don’t get up. I’m not too excited for an 8 hour bus trip to Nairobi tomorrow morning.

Despite sitting in my bed with wireless internet, it’s not easy to forget that I’m in Africa.

I trust you Lord...

2010-01-24T09:57:00.000-08:00

I really wanted to write an insightful blog today, but my mind seems to be too scattered. Yesterday afternoon one of our TI projects (the Neema project) was broken into, our girls held at gunpoint while several men took some of the stuff from the home. The surprising thing was that it was in day time.

I felt so confused and violated after getting the news from the house mom at the project.

The stress of this event has bogged me down today.

I am also overwhelmed at the amount of tasks that need to be completed tomorrow before I head out for a few days in Nairobi. Most of my day today has been spent catching up on office work.

Despite all of that, I was so encouraged by a teaching I listened to on a podcast about not worrying. The man giving the teaching is dying yet has an increasable outlook on life. He takes each day and lives it to its fullest. I think the Lord knew what I needed.

I will continue to trust in the Lord with all my heart and not learn on my own understanding… (proverbs)

A thought on community living

2010-01-23T12:29:00.000-08:00

These past few years, I have loved the experience of not only living in Kenya but living in community, constantly being around other people.

One of the things that we (our current community) have been discussing is the fact that when you live in community, you have to be aware of other people around you and you have to be selfless.

I was surprised this past year when I reached to open the cupboard and realized that the handle was covered with jam. I mean, how in the world does jam get on the handle of the cupboard? One theory was that the person decided to jam their bread with their hand. I shot that idea down because someone who jammed their bread with their hand wouldn't be the kind of person who shuts the cupboard.

I sat with the group that night and talked about leaving butter on the outside of the butter container or jam on the cupboard. I really didn't want to know how it got there in the first place, but the fact was that some people in the community needed to be more aware that other people in the house were using the same jam and didn't need to pick up the jam container to find their hand sticky. The group seemed receptive and I though I got through to them. The next morning I went to butter my toast and found a knife covered with peanut butter stuck to the counter. That's right, someone had taken the dirty knife and left it right on the counter. I was annoyed; I threw the knife in the sink and wiped the counter off. I walked out to put my toast in the toaster and two minutes later walked back in to find another peanut butter covered knife in the same exact spot.

There is basic community living etiquette: clean up after yourself, don't leave your dishes for someone else to wash, pick up your junk from the main gathering places, the empty milk container goes in the trash and not back into the fridge, and speaking of the trash, when it is full you don't through your trash on the floor, you take it out, it only takes seconds to refill the sugar container when it is empty, a single end of bread does not need to stay in the bread container, when you see that food is moldy, don't put it back, throw it away, not everyone enjoys your music playing all night long and not everyone is a morning person and doesn't need to be awakened with loud voices.

Living in community requires putting others before your self, a seemingly new concept to many. I get really frustrated sometimes when new groups or interns come into our home never before having washed a dish or cleaned up after themselves. Parenting 101, this is how you wash your plate.

The point of this blog, I guess, is to encourage people to be more in tune with the people around them and how one can put them first or give them preference.

The Question of the Day

2010-01-22T11:41:00.000-08:00

This is my 22^nd blog in 22 days. I surprised myself by keeping up on a blog each day. I didn’t know I could do it.

I’ve enjoyed it more than it has been a burden. I seem to be more aware of my day, looking for something to write about or analyzing my own thoughts and being better able to express them.

I’ve also been encouraged by the e-mails and Facebook messages I’ve received from both people I know and those I don’t. Messages of encouragement, understanding, gratitude, things that make me eager to post another blog.

I’m tired today. Not sure why, I got a good sleep. It seems that when I sit down to write a blog, I have to have a cup of coffee nearby. The coffee helps to get my brain working again.

I’ve been asking myself a question the past few days, “if I could ask God for one thing, what would it be”, A nice truck, a million dollars, a girlfriend….? Or maybe a nice truck full of money and an attractive girl in the passenger seat.

I think that it is more important to know what we really need and if we really need it, than to be willing to ask God for it. I’ve asked God for some really stupid things before, including; money for a new guitar, a shirt I really liked from Target, a new car and yes, a girlfriend. But did I need any of these things? Not really. If I could ask God for anything and it was something I really needed, what would it be? Perhaps, humility, mercy, grace, peace, love… all noble requests. I want to find the answer to this question because I know it will reveal something about my heart and what’s important to me.

Our American culture is overly driven to obtain “stuff” and the endless need for more. I used to be stuck in that mindset. On the flip side, the Kenyan culture is driven by the need for survival. For some it means a daily meal, for others it means power and an ability to oppress others so as to forget about ones own oppression.

I want to consider myself a servant, doing the work God has put before me. But I don’t think I fall into this category as I still “need things” or more likely “want things.”

I continue my quest to find out what I really need and to put my own selfish ambitions aside.

Beauty

2010-01-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

Etty Hillesum, the young Jewish girl who kept a journal during her stay at Auschwitz, wrote of an uninterrupted dialoged with God. “Sometimes when I stand in some corner of the camp, my feet planted on Your earth, my eyes raised towards Your Heaven, tears sometimes run down my face, tears of deep emotion and gratitude.” She knew the horror. “And I want to be right in the thick of what people call horror and still be able to say; life is beautiful. Yes, I lie here in the corner, parched and dizzy and feverish and unable to do things. Yet I am also with the jasmine and the piece of sky beyond my window.” *

I read this as I was traveling from Kitale to Eldoret. Before, my mind was plagued with frustration, not only at myself, but by the ugliness of my surroundings, the poverty, the corruption, the crime, the selfishness, roadsides covered with mounds of trash.

After reading of Etty’s ability to see beauty in the midst of helplessness, I began to see the eloquence of God’s creation springing forth from the red African dirt. The once dried fields now covered with a fresh blanket of green, trees of all types scattered across the flat lands.

God, how has my sight become so dirty, so negative? Why do I completely miss out on the good, the beauty, the tapestry that You painted with Your own hand?

I’m captured by the words “I want to be right in the thick of what people call horror and still be able to say; life is beautiful.” I long ever so deeply to see life is such a way, to be able to grasp what is beyond my eye’s sight and hold onto that which will renew my soul.

As I continued to watch out of the side window of the public transportation, I saw things that I’ve not noticed the other hundred times I’ve travelled that same road, beauty in a fresh way.

My body is tired but my soul is refreshed.

* Prayer by Philip Yancy, Zondervan, 2006, page 51

Going Deeper

2010-01-20T13:11:00.000-08:00

“The prayer preceding all prayers is ‘May it be the real I who speaks. May it be the real Thou that I speak to.’” C.S. Lewis

4:30pm, I just finished the accounts; it’s been a long day. Up at 6am and out the door by 8. Rolled back in around 2:30 and spent two hours in the office. The day looked something like this; Widows project, home based care family, area tribal chief meeting, look at land, accountant, shopping, Neema project, office.

It’s raining outside. Not normal for this time of year. I have moved from my office to my bedroom. I’m thankful for my large cup of coffee in my Starbucks mug that Hope gave me last year.

I’ve been reading Philip Yancey’s book, Prayer. I started it a week ago and just hit page 50. No, I’m not a slow reader, but in this case, I can only read a few pages before I feel an urge to close the book and talk to God. I’m realizing how far off my relationship with God is. I mean, I just go to him when I need something or something is going wrong in my life. But rarely do go to God just to talk.

I’ve been lonely a lot these past weeks, well, ok past year, but these past weeks have been harder. I realized that really, I mean really, the Lord is supposed to fill this area of my life. But that will never happen if I just see God as an authoritative person looking down on me in disappointment, a God who is only there to judge and give when I ask.

This morning I pretended that God was sitting on the desk chair in my room. I can’t believe that I’m admitting that, but I did. And I talked to him just like I was hanging out with a good friend. It felt good and it felt real. Although I didn’t hear a voice back, I felt a lot of peace.

How easy it is to forget that the Lord is there with us all he time, even when we are in the midst of sin, *gasp.*

I took Jesus by the hand today and lead him around as I went about the day. I showed Him what TI does (as though He didn’t know). I felt like I had a friend hanging out with me. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 took on a new meaning. I don’t think it is saying that I should be down on my knees in deep, holy, prayer but that I should be in constant awareness of God and talking to him like he is my friend. “Pray without ceasing.”

I found that by taking the Lord with me today, I was more eager to hear people’s hearts and to pray for people. I felt less susceptible to the normal battle of my thoughts; I saw how the Lord honored my time and allowed me to fit more things into a short period of time without getting frustrated.

I desire a deeper relationship with God, a real relationship.

That’s what’s been on my mind today.

‘O Lord, teach me to walk closer with you, to hear your voice and to know your heart.’

Some shots from Last Saturday

2010-01-19T07:01:00.000-08:00

You Don’t Have To Fix A Hole In The Ground

2010-01-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

You don’t have to fix a pit latrine because there is nothing more involved than a hole in the ground. A hole covered by a cement slab with a hole in the middle. I miss the days of no running water and only a pit latrine and a cement floor with iron sheet walls providing cover while bathing out of a bucket.

I miss those days because I’m not a plumber and neither are most plumbers here in Kenya.

I have flashbacks of the dismay I felt huddling under the bathroom sink as a teen while my dad showed me how to unscrew the drain and clean out glob of “who knows what”. That was one of those moments where my dad really knew best. The limited skills he taught me have come in handy while in Kenya many times. In fact I’ve installed showers, water tanks, pumps, and repair several toilets. Don’t get me wrong, they were all frustrating and unpleasant experiences, but successful.

This last week’s experience with plumbing was neither fun nor successful. In fact, I almost lost my salvation over it. Ok, not really.

Going back to about a week ago, one of the guys here, who will remain nameless because I haven’t yet repented to him for my unchristian like thoughts, accidentally broke the bathroom sink spout. Thankfully he told me right away and asked how I wanted him to get it fixed. I was thankful for his confession because, unlike other people staying with us in the past, he didn’t “break and run”.

After a quick inspection, I realized it couldn’t be repaired. We needed a new handle/spout set, a seemingly simple task. Who would have thought that in a country where you can get a good meal for $2 and pay $10 for a bus ride half way across the country that it would cost $25 for the cheapest sink set. That’s two bus rides, two meals and change. We coughed up the money and he attempted to put the new set on. It leaked, a lot.

The Kenyan plumbing in the house works like this… city water pumps to a big tank outside. The city water only pumps every few days so we have to store all the water we can. Big tank pumps into little tank stored between the roof and ceiling over the bathroom. Well, over the hallway between the bathroom and bedrooms. You will know in a minute how I know exactly where the tank is. Tank in the ceiling has three pipes coming out of it going to the toilet, sink and bathtub. Not knowing what went to where, we turned them all off while installing the sink parts.

After seeing that the sink fitting was leaking, the unnamed guy went back to get a different one. Three days, three parts later and still leaking, we decided that we needed to call a plumber. We put the old fitting back on so we could at least use the shower and the toilet. It was 10:00pm by this time and I had a really long day. I was frustrated because I spent the entire evening working on plumbing and trying to get the internet working and succeeding at neither.

My mom called me on my cell phone so I sat on my bed talking to her, venting about how it seems that everything in the house is falling apart. “mom, I can’t run TI and be a plumber at the same time.”

Just then Andrew rushes into my room “There is water coming out of the ceiling!” he said in a panic.

“I’ll call you back mom.”

Sure enough, water was coming through the ceiling and dripping into the hallway. That’s how I knew where the tank was. I hoisted myself up into the ceiling, breaking some boards on the way (not on purpose), and out of frustration from breaking the board that would need to be replaced, I stood up too fast and banged my head on the roof.

After recovering I found my way over to the water tank and saw that the old rusted valves were leaking in several places. 11:00pm, frustrated, lack of plumbing skills, wanting to say some kind of swear word, it wasn’t my night.

The valves had broken from the frequent turning on and off. The problem was getting worse. I climbed down out of the ceiling and turned the bath tub and sink on so I could drain all the water out of the tank. That was the only solution that made sense to my mind at the moment. I then found some twine and tied up the float in the tank so no more water could be pumped in. It took about 15 minutes to drain, I mopped up the floor.

The next day I called a plumber, day five since the sink broke. He said he would be here at 10:00am. Stupid me, I forgot I was in Kenya where everyone has a watch but doesn’t know how to read it. By 3:00pm he still hadn’t come. I gave up and decided to put the problem in the hands of our landlord. Well kind of, it was our fault in the first place. I called him and told him that I would pay for the parts and repairs if he could just send a guy over who he trusts.

Yep, now it is Monday and the plumber came over this afternoon. He took his time looking at all the problems and assured me that he could fix it. “Great, you want to go to town now to get parts?” I asked. “No, I don’t have time now; I’ll come back on Friday.”

FRIDAY? That’s 5 days away.

But what can you do. We now have a bucket of water by the toilet so we can flush and we are showing in the outdoor shower.

This is a glimpse of my life in Africa, the adventures where at the end of the day, I miss the pit latrine because you don’t have to fix a hole in the ground.